1. The heroes will lose every battle, but win the war.
2. It will only rain when the heroes are exhausted and running
out of food.
3. The heroes will only have horses if they are going to climb
a mountain, where they won't be able to ride the horses
anyway.
4. The enemies will be killed by the slightest mishap, but the
heroes will live through anything.
5. The hero and heroine will fall in love on the last three pages.
6. Magic (if available) will be used intelligently by the heroes, but will be wasted by the enemies.
7. You will annoy the reader by placing numerous re-hashings
of prior events in the first four chapters of the second and
following books of a series.
8. Start off occasional chapters with a description of one of
the main characters engaged in some activity, without using
their name. The reader will feel exceptionally smart when they
figure out who it is before you reveal it.
9. Racial prejudices will be ignored by the heroes, but will be a factor in the downfall of the enemy.
10. The enemy will be able to predict all of the heroes
actions, but will be powerless to stop them; the heroes will
foil all of the enemies plans through sheer dumb luck.
11. The heroes will be able to survive for weeks without
feeling the call of nature, unless they are in a cell.
12. Should the heroes be captured, the enemy will gloat and
reveal all of their plans.
13. Should the heroes be captured, they will be kept in a small cell with a bit of straw but no windows, and will only
be fed bread and water at irregular intervals. Despite this,
they will be able to tell how much time has passed.
14. Magic swords do not glow except when the heroes have no
other source of light, or if it is dark, and they need to be
captured for the plot to advance properly.
15. The heroes, after making a noise when trying to remain
silent, will stand perfectly still for several minutes. The
enemy will not, however, have heard it. (Alternate scenario:
the enemy will hear it and search the area immediately (rather
than guessing the action of the heroes, and waiting for them
to move again, thereby giving themselves away). The heroes
will quickly hide, their sounds masked by the noise of the
enemy's search.)
16. Only describe a monster you have created once; call it by
name any other time it appears, even if the character it is
spotted by did not see it the first time or have it described
since.
17. At least one of the heroes will be the second best in the
world at something. The only person better will be one of the
enemy, but they will nonetheless be defeated by the hero at
the climax.
18. Everyone in a position of power is corrupt, and is subject
to bribes.
19. Rulers of any large territory (eg. Kings, Emperors, etc.)
are either terminally stupid or insane, and could not suppress
a rebellion if their life depended on it (which it usually
does).
Additional Rules for TSR Writers
1. Only under exceptional circumstances will you be allowed to
write the sequel to any novel you write.
2. Use the name of the spell the character casts, rather than
describing its effects. Everyone who might read the book has
played AD&D, and will understand this much better.
3. Whenever possible, arrange your plot so that it fits a work
of art we have already used, so that new art will not have to
be commissioned.
4. You will not create any new locations; instead, use the
Atlas of The Forgotten Realms or Krynn as a source (Douglas
Niles excepted).
5. Be prepared to translate your novel into an adventure
module, complete with rule modifications so that what you
describe can actually happen. (Douglas Niles: this means you.)
6. Ignore all of the rules for creating a new character found
in the Players Handbook. You can hardly expect a new character to survive anything exciting. All characters will be of at least 12th level, even if they are only 16 years old.
