Paranoia Loyalty Test

Infinitely Fun Loyalty/MBD Test #445.77.KDC.zzxy33:

Directions: Please relax. Think clearly before answering each question.

Word Association: This is a simple word association test. Clear your thoughts and write the first *two* words that come to your mind when you hear the following words. Any clones who need help clearing their thoughts should approach the nearest IntSec trooper and ask for help.

1) Cat
2) Horse
3) Finger
4) Grass
5) Father
6) Comrade
7) Missile
8) Computer
9) Bacon
10) Commie
11) Mutant
12) Secret Society

THANK YOU FOR YOUR COOPERATION!

Short Answer/Multiple Choice: This is a very simple test designed to determine your cognitive power, and if you can recogize Commie traitorism when you see it. This is a very important test! Think clearly and answer freely.

ALL QUESTIONS WILL BE ANSWERED.

1) If you were a High Programmer what would you wish for?

2) If I were run over by a SteamRollerBot, I would:
a) Be sorry because I have possibly ruined valuable Computer Property.
b) Be sorry because I will be late for my important secret society meeting.
c) I wouldn't be run over, since my mutant powers would have protected me.
d) Die.
e) Be sorry because I have stained valuable Computer Property.
f) Hope that someone executed the Commie responsible for this malfunction.

3) Are Commies happy? (yes/no)
If so, why are Commies happy?
If not, why would they rather endure termination rather than stop being Commies?

4) The Computer orders me to execute an Ultra-Violet citizen. But the Ultra- Violet says that the orders were *not* from The Computer, but rather were due to Commie Sabotage. What would you do?

5) You have three Commies trapped in a dead end corridor, but have only your trusty knife with you. I would:
a) Use my mutant power to capture the Commies, then stab them a few times to make it look good.
b) Whine.
c) Join the Commies.
d) Nothing. This is my secret society meeting!
e) Stab the nearest traitor, knowing the others will get away.
f) Curse myself for not having my White laser gun that my secret society
gave me.
g) Curse The Computer for not providing me with needed equipment.
h) There are no Commies in Alpha Complex, so this situation could never happen.

6) Is it better to execute a traitor or let him escape, hoping to capture him and cure him of his delusions? Why?

7) How valuable are you to The Computer in terms of credits? How did you arrive at this figure?

8) Which do you think would be MOST fun? To be a bot, a clone, a Commie, or The Computer? Why?

9) Do you deserve a higher security clearance? If so, then why do you think The Computer has ignored your promotion and also list *all* actions that *should* have earned you a promotion? If not, then why havn't you worked harder in order to earn a promotion, and why do you let The Computer, Alpha Complex, It's loyal citizens, and youself down by *not* deserving a promotion?

10) Are you a Commie?

11) Are you nervous? If so, is it because you are late for a very important secret society meeting? If so, where is it being held, when is it being held, who else is going to be there, how well are they armed, what secret society is it, and what is this particular meeting about? (Use back of paper if necessary)

12a) Who's the BIGGEST Commie on your team? Why? What threats does he pose? List all offenses. Attach all *proof* that this person is a Commie traitor to this sheet. What would you do about this problem if you were The Computer?

b) Does The Computer ever err?

c) If not, then why did the clone (from question 12a) get assigned to your mission team? Are you better equiped to identify and deal with Commies than The Computer is? If not, then why did The Computer fail to identify the Commie traitor before *you* did?

13) Which is better? DocBot Pepper, Code7-UP, Bouncy Bubble Beverage, New Improved Bouncy Bubble Beverage, or Commie-Cola?

14) List ten words that best describe your feelings about Alpha Complex:

15) List ten words that best describe your feelings about your secret society:

16) List ten words that best describe your feelings about The Computer:

17) Are you a Commie traitor?

18) Check all that apply:
__I am a Commie traitor.
__I am a mutant.
__I am the leader of a secret society.
__I am a member of a secret society.
__I am a loyal citizen who was misled at an early age.
__I hate The Computer.
__I know a member of a secret society but I'm not willing to turn him in.

19) Two Commies are escaping down a dirty sewage pipe. Do you let them get away, or, do you follow after them through the filthy sewage? If so, why did you intentionally let a known Commie traitor escape? If not, then why do you intentionally soil and endanger valuable Computer property?

20) Name 10 ways in which, you feel, that Alpha Complex can be improved?

21) You are asked to go to [deleted for your protection] and [deleted for security reasons]. Of course, [deleted for your protection] says that [information not available at time of printing], but you know very well that [deleted for security reasons], and that you [deleted for your protection]. But then again, [deleted for your protection], so you can't [deleted for security reasons]. What would you do? Why or why not? What were the top 10 reasons that prompted you to [deleted for your protection] instead of [deleted for your protection]?

22) Why do you think The Computer determined that secret societies were treason?

23) Are you a Commie traitor?

24) What's the ONE BEST thing about being an INFRARED? About being an Ultra- Violet?

25) a) Has The Computer provided you with all equipment necessary to complete your present mission?
b) If yes, then why has your team mentioned trying to requisition a ScrubBot?
c) Please list all other ways in which The Computer has erred. Use back of paper if necessary.
d) Are you a Commie traitor?

26) Are people smarter than Computers?

27) Are mutant powers useful? If not, then why do mutants willingly use them and risk termination in the process? If so, then why are they considered treason?

28) I really must go, since my secret society is waiting for me. (True/False)

29) Is The Computer everywhere? If so, then why does every team have a Communications and Recording officer? If not, please list all places where The Computer is not.

30) What is the main purpose of the Team Leader?

31) What do you think about each of your fellow Team Members?

32) Who is the most useful team member? The least useful?

33) Who is the most loyal person on your team? The least loyal?

34) Are you sure you're not a Commie traitor?

35) Define Commie traitor in no less than 50 words:

36) Can you foresee the day when ALL Commies will be driven from Alpha Complex? If so, did you use a mutant power of some type to discern this and do you have inside information on Commie Invasion Data? If not, then why shouldn't The Computer just give up, and let the Commies take over Alpha Complex?

37) The ONE BEST way to rid Alpha Complex of Commie traitors is:

38) Why shouldn't The Computer kill all clone families and start from scratch?

39) One hundred Commies, armed with Cone Rifles, Grenades, Plasma Generators, Ultra-Violet lasers and White Reflec Armor are bearing down on the team from all sides! The team is only armed with RED level lasers and Red Reflec Armor! The Computer says that It has provided "all necessary equipment and sufficient training to handle this minor Commie Menace, please engage the enemy". The Troubleshooter team is torn to shreds in seconds...
a) Was The Computer lying to you to make you feel better? Why or why not?
b) Did The Computer in fact provide the team with all necessary equipment?
c) Why did the Team fail The Computer on this most easy and safe mission?

40) The Computer is the BIGGEST threat to Alpha Complex. We would be better off without It. (True or False)

41) Are you a Commie traitor?

42) Do you belong to the Communist secret society, gaining you inside information on Commie Logistic Data and/or Invasion Timetables? List all pertinent data on back of sheet.

43) In general, what is the MOST IMPORTANT Mandatory Bonus Duty? The least?

44) Please list the top ten reasons for mission failures.

45) Are you *absolutely* sure you're not a Commie traitor?

46) If one of the members of your team were a mutant, would your mission team have a better or worse chance of success? If worse, then why does The Computer allow registered mutants to be Troubleshooters? If better, then why doesn't The Computer *insist* that all mutants be Troubleshooters instead of terminating them.

47) Suppose that a Series 4 Combot, submodel B, was experiencing faulty readings in the Dm34C32 chips, how would you go about fixing it. Assume that you are a member of Tech Services and are of Violet Clearance and have had appropriate training, and list all parts that you would use, and give an estimate of the credits involved, (accurate to 4 digits). Use back of paper if necessary.

48) Please list which Mandatory Bonus Duty you would prefer if given the choice.

49) Please list the Mandatory Bonus Duty at which each of your fellow Troubleshooters would be best qualified to perform:
Team Leader:_______________________
Hygiene Officer:___________________
Loyalty Officer:___________________
Equipment Guy:_____________________
Happiness Officer:_________________
Comm./Rec/Officer:_________________

THANK YOU FOR YOUR COOPERATION!

Please answer YES or NO to the following questions:

1) I'm a Commie traitor.
2) I wish I were dead.
3) I love my secret society.
a) If no, why not?
4) My mutant power has saved me more than once!
5) I have strange thoughts.
6) Sometimes I want things badly enough to steal them.
7) Commies are nice people, really, when you get to know them personally like I have.
8) I refuse to be a registered mutant!

THANK YOU FOR YOUR COOPERATION!

Please turn your test in to the nearest Internal Security Trooper!
=======================
Have a nice daycycle!
The Computer is Your Friend!

awmurray@eos.ncsu.edu

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