by L. Fitzgerald Sjöberg
 

• Don't spell things the obvious way. "Magic," "Fairies," and "Dragons" are for little kids. "Magick," "Faerys," and "Dragyns" are what you're into.

• Hang your swords on the walls instead of carrying them around with you.

• Don't call people "milord" or "milady" unless you're going out with them. Or want to.

• Screen names for bulletin boards and chat rooms are a great place to show off your true colors with names like "Lord_Gryffon" and "PegasysGirl312." Plus, it gives you authority when discussing what Aelves are really like.

• Wearing glitter on your face is a great way to show how in-touch you are with the mystick in everyday life. The more glitter, the more mystick.

• If you're with six or more people who are also fantasy geeks, you can do whatever you want. Take advantage of this by seeking out Xena conventions, Renaissance Faires, and SCA gatherings.

• Rings are great. You can wear any sort of hackneyed fantasy icon on a ring and people will just think you got suckered at a crafts fair.

• If you get married, it's your day, even if you can't find six other fantasy geeks to attend. Hire a lutist, take your vows in Gaelic, and make everyone eat giant roasted turkey legs. What are they going to do? It's your wedding day!

• Always make sure you mention Tolkien in any conversation about fantasy novels. It lends credibility. As in "Well, 'Dragyn Maidens of Wistfulmere' was a great novel, but it's no Tolkien."

 

 

 Back to the Main page
 Back to the jokes