****Abdul al-Hazred's Big Boffo Book of Daemons****

by Jay Mackley


See Jane.
See Dick.
See Spot.
See Fluffy.
See Dick's friend Sath.

See Sath draw on the ground.
Sath needs to have some blood.
Run Fluffy, run.
He escaped.
That was lucky.
Spot was not so lucky.
Splat Spot, splat.

See Sath start the ancient rite.
See Jane dance.
See Dick writhe.
See Sath change.
See Sath grow.
See Tsathogghua.
See Tsathogghua eat Dick and Jane.

Oh Dear.

*******************************************************

See the mountain. See the plateau.
See Randolf Carter. Climb Randolf, climb.
It is very cold.

Here is the plateau. Here is a temple.
It is washed in the waxen light of a fungoid
and fantastically gibbous moon.

See it shining on monstrously old
petrographs hewn into the palogean basalt blocks.
Don't go inside Randolf. Silly Randolf.

Here is a name on the wall.
Don't read it Randolf.
"Iggy" reads Randolf. Silly Randolf.

See Ygolonac. Run Randolf, run.
Faster Randolf, faster! Too slow.

See Ygolonac..

See Randolf wake up screaming.
It was all a dream.

Wasn't it?

*******************************************************

See Abhoth.
See the investigator.
See the investigator gasp "Abbe...".

See a thousand abominations crawl, flap and
wriggle towards the noise.

Oh Dear.

Run investigator, run.
See Abhoth corruscate fantastically.

Oh Dear.

Poor Investigator.

********************************************************

See Dick.
See Cthulhu.
See Dick see Cthulhu.

See Dick lose a grip on sanity.

Run Dick, run.
Faster Dick, faster.

Dick has an idea.
What is that he's drawing on the ground?
A five pointed star with a flaming eye in the
middle?

Oh it's an Elder Sign
Clever Dick!

See Cthulhu see the Elder sign.

Poor Cthulhu.

*********************************************************

See the librarian.
See the librarian look.

See the librarian copy blasphemously ancient
horrors from that hideous tome that hints at
unknown terror far beyond the reason of man.

See the librarian write the name.
It is spelt: H-A-S-S-I-E.

Hear the librarian say that which should not
be said.

See Hastur....

Poor librarian.

*********************************************************

See the heavy metal band.
They call call themselves the "Yogs".

See their stage show.

Oh, what a strange star. It has an eye in the
middle.

See them mouth strange soundless syllables.
See the strange globes of light.

See Yog-Sothoth; no, don't look at Yog-
Sothoth.

Too late.

Poor heavy metal band.
Poor insane, deranged, psychotic heavy metal band.

********************************************************

See the dark moonless night.
See the sheperd alone on the moor.
See his lost goat.

"Here Shubbie, here Shubbie", says the 
sheperd.

See the stones.
See the stones glow.
See the stones bathed in the baleful light of 
1,000 black candles.

Oh dear, poor Shubbie.
What a mess.

See Shub-Niggurath, dark goat with a
thousand young.
See the sheperd.
I can't see the sheperd.
Where is he?

Oh!!

Back to the first joke How to be a cultist

On to the next section - Monty Python Parodies The D20 Spam Scene

Back to the Main page
Back to the Jokes

1