tihtavy of trhe Ch^ological ^eminarji'

PRINCETON . NEW JERSEY PRESENTED BY

Dr. Earl A. Pope

Manson Professor of Bible

Lafayette College

The Earl A. Pope Collection

rSX 4827 .B62 B62 1887 Boardman, William Edwin, iLife and labours of the Rev W. E. Boardman

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LIFE AND LABOURS

REV. W. E. BOARDMAN

LIFE AND LABOURS

OF THE

Rev. W. E. BOARDMAN

BY

MRS. BOARDMAN

WITH A PREFACE BY THE

REV. MARK GUY PEARSE

Christ in you the hope of glory."— G;/.

•i^R^ OF PR!/VCf7g;j SEP 6 2000 ,

S^

NEW YORK

D. APPLETON AND COMPANY

1887

PREFACE

MRS. BOARDMAN has asked me to write a few words as preface to the very interesting story of Mr. Boardman's life and work. My own indebted- ness to his influence and teaching makes it impossible for me to do other than readily accede to such a request, conscious though I certainly am that I can add nothing to the story told so well within these pages.

Of all the signs of our times there is certainly none more marked, and in every way more full of promise, than the fact that the great doctrine of Holiness unto the Lord should have come to hold so prominent a place in the religious teaching of the day. Whatever slight differences of opinion there may be on this subject, yet surely it cannot but be a matter of great thankfulness that the Churches of the land have been so generally stirred to earnest enquiry about our fuller privileges in Christ Jesus. The despised doctrine of

vi PREFACE.

the early Methodists has become the glorious heritage of all denominations.

In connection with this great work, there is no man whose influence has been more deeply and widely felt than the subject of these memoirs. For more than forty years his life was at once a constant advocacy and a beautiful illustration of entire consecration to God, amidst circumstances more varied and thrilling than it is given to many men to know. Amongst all classes he triumphantly tested the glorious truth of a full salva- tion by faith in Jesus Christ — now amidst the rough miners and settlers of Snake Hollow, "so called from the fact that a colony of rattle snakes had taken possession of a cavern at the head of a ravine ; " — and then amidst the tutors and students of the Lane Seminary, and later at orthodox *' Old Yale \ " — again, as the travelling organizer of Sunday Schools amongst the scattered settlers of the far west ; — then further west still, in California, with its strange population of Spaniards, Indians, gambling Saxons, and Chinese ; — then rendering splendid service amongst the wounded soldiers of the Civil War, as Secretary of the Christian Commission ; — later in England and Sweden ; — and, in the last years of his life, amidst the quiet and hallowed services of Highbury Place, Such a life could not fail to be brimful of stirring incident. How these opportunities were turned to account can never be fully told on earth, — • that record is on hi^rh.

PREFACE.

Mr. Boardman's temperament had come to be one peculiarly fitted for the advocacy of this great truth — intense and ardent, yet with a calmness and simplicity that seemed never to be ruffled ; the spirit of a little child enabled him at once to make the doctrine of this blessed hfe clear to the. understanding, and yet within the reach of those who thought they could never attain to that which was high. His exposition of scripture was rich and beauiiful ; yet made homely and real, a thing for rough wear and common daily use, by the illustrations drawn from life. His varied expe- rience gave him the opportunity of testing the truth in all sorts and conditions of men, and showed him thus its many- sidedness. His very appearance gave his words an authority ; one saw at a glance and felt something of the peace and light that filled his soul. His book on " The Higher Chris- tian Life " was perhaps the first popular treatise on this subject that won its way amongst all denominations ; and its vast circulation, both in America and England, not only melted the prejudices of hosts against this subject, but made it possible for other writers to follow in the paths which he had opened, and led multitudes of timid souls out of the misty dawn into the clear shining of the sun.

Even where the doctrine of holiness was received, it had come to be thought of as an experience only fitted for the very courageous and skilful amongst Christians ; for those hardy mountaineers in religion, who were at once very ambitious, very resolute, and very daring, — but for common pilgrims there was nothing but the low and

viii PREFACE,

dusty ways in which they were going as others went. Bright and glorious stood out memorials of this grace, yet they seemed dazzling in their splendour, a sun in the highest heavens.

Mr. Boardman's words set this great grace forth as present and within reach — an experience for common people and for common circumstances ; a life, not an act ; a fulness of blessing waiting for every believer in Jesus, and to be found not as the result of agonizing struggles, not to be purchased by costly sacrifices, but to be received and retained like forgiveness, by simple faith in the Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ,

With thousands of others we would join in thanking God for the blessed word of His honoured servant ; and earnestly pray that this record may carry like bless- ing to thousands more.

M. G. P.

Bristol,

September ^ 1886,

CONTENTS

CHAPTER I.

PAGB

Chile^hood — Conversion — A Sceptic Saved - - i

CHAPTER II. Marriage ---24

CHAPTER III. LIoviNG Farther On - 43

CHAPTER IV. Blessed Results of Abiding in Christ - - 59

CHAPTER V. Higher Life Evangelism in a School of the

Prophets 69

CHAPTER VI, Life in Greenfield .-_-__ 3i

CHAPTER VIL

Organizing Sunday Schools — A Higher Christian

Life -_------_96

CONTENTS.

CHAPTER VIII.

PAGE

Life in California ---__. io6

CHAPTER IX. As Secretary of the Christian Commission - 1^7

CHAPTER X. First Visit to Europe — Further Authorship —

Holiness Conventions - - - - - 131

CHAPTER XI. A Further Step in Faith - - _ - . 142

CHAPTER XII. Third Trip to Europe — Conferences in England 155

CHAPTER XIII. Visit to Scotland and Return to America - 169

CHAPTER XIV. Return to England — Work in Sweden - - 181

CHAPTER XV. Further Work in Sweden — Letters - - - 206

CHAPTER XVL A New Departure - - - - - - -221

CHAPTER XVIL The Last Days _-_»__- 239

CHAPTER L

CHILDHOOD—CONVERSION — A SCEPTIC SAVED,

*' Wherever there is a soul, there is a paradise lost or a oaradise regained."

ILLIAM EDWIN BOARDMAN was the second son of Isaac and Eliza Boardman. He was born in Smithfield, New York, on October nth, 1810, and was one of four sons.

To this family of boys a daughter was added, who became the joy of her parents, and the pet of her brothers. She was the special charge of her second brother William, and it was one of the greatest delights of his boyhood to take his little sister out with him in a small rustic chariot of his own construction. She used to accompany him in his nutting and fishing excursions, and was evidently as happy as a bird, regarding herself as a little queen, quite worthy of all this homage and devotion from her fond brother. And when she grew up, although sometimes they were separated for years, yet the most tender affection ever subsisted between them.

In the year 1868, when in New York city, it was Mr. Boardman's privilege to be instrumental in the recovery of

CHILDHOOD.

this dearly-loved sister. She was very ill, too ill to eat, and her life was fast ebbing away, when her brother William succeeded in inducing her to take a little food prepared by his own hands, and administered with such skill and tender love as was quite irresistible. It was a turning point : from this moment she began to revive, and was eventually restored, after her friends had given up all hope of her recovery.

But we must not anticipate. When William was about twelve years old, a new era commenced in his life. Up to this time, he had been a slow, plodding boy, taking but little interest in any kind of study. But now he fell into the hands of a skilful teacher, who aroused all his latent energies, and stirred him up to earnest work. Often did he refer to this period of his youth, as having been a time of the utmost importance ; influencing the whole future course of his life, by leading him to delight in mental application. And it was a very simple way that his teacher took to arouse him. He pointed to an uncultivated field covered with stumps of trees, logs lying about, and tangled heaps of brushwood scattered over it. " You see that waste ground, how unsightly it is ? That is just like an uncultivated mind ; yet nature has provided all the material for making it like yonder fertile field. Look at the difference," he continued, pointing to a cultivated spot, *' you see how richly it pro- duces, and how much can be obtained from it, besides being so very pleasant to the eye ? Now the choice lies with yourself which you will resemble ; which do you prefer? You have plenty of natural ability ; shall your mind lie waste like that uncultivated field, or will you bend your whole will to consent to the cultivation of your intellect ? I am willing, my lad, to do my part, and help you on, but I cannot force your will to choose aright."

CHILDHOOD, 3

It did not take long to decide, and from that hour young William set to work, and soon found that the very things which had been irksome to him became a delight. Nothing was now so pleasant as study, and it soon became as natural to him to master completely any subject he under- took, as it had been before to be indolent and careless over his lessons. The next episode of his life was the most important, and happily, he has left an account of the steps by which God led him to turn from darkness to light, and from the power of Satan unto God. This we give in his own words : —

** With the blood of a Christian ancestry, I inherited also a traditional Christian faith ; and yet my early years passed without much religious instruction. My father and mother, though traditional believers, were somewhat slow to follow the ancestral example of entering early the gate of life ; in fact, they remained unconverted until after some of their own children led the way.

*' It was a country place where we lived, and without a church. Certain zealous ministers came once a month, and held service in our little school-house ; and I remember going once a year to visit at a village not far away, where my mother's mother dwelt in a cottage by herself, near her eldest son ; and there attending church from time to time in a larger room of the village academy. But of all these services not a vestige remains in my memory except the general fact, and some quaint peculiarities of the ministers themselves. Well may I remember those of the village pastor. Sitting one day with four or five other boys on a form directly in front of the desk, we were struck by the inevitable disjunctive, conjunctive phrase, ' And but again,' with which he cut off, by sledge-hammer blows, and welded again with fervent heat, the chain of his fiery logic ; and

CHILDHOOD,

every time the preacher in thunder-tones used these words, we, in a tittering whisper, passed them round amongst ourselves. My grandmother saw this, and when the door of her cottage closed upon herself and me, shutting us in, and shutting out all the world beside, she impressed the matter by a stinging birch lecture that, for once, made a smart lad of me, and left a tingle in my memory which has remained even until now.

" Another scarcely less impressive lecture was afterwards drawn down upon me in connection with one of our school- house services at home. One beautiful, summer Sunday morning, — and oh, how exquisite the summer mornings were in the bright climate amongst my native hills, — I obtained a somewhat reluctantly-given permission from my father to bathe in our sweet, crystal Susquehanna river, as a preparation for the clean Sunday suit and the sacred service. The deliciously cool waters, and the marvellous sport of swimming and diving with a merry company of fellow-bathers, enticed us to remain longer than we ought to have done before coming out of the water ; and then, when out, the warming exercise of running and leaping soon brought a heat and perspiration which excused and induced a second bath, followed by exercise again, and this by still another bath, and so the time wore away, and the hour of service went by.

" My father was a kind man, and seldom found it necessary to use the rod ; yet he had the wisdom to * command his children after him,' and loved them too well to spare them when the alternative was that they must temporarily smart or be permanently spoiled. It was with more pain to him- self, I am sure, than to me, that on this occasion he laid upon my back the weight of my offending ; and probably I remember it all the more vividly, because it was so seldom

CHILDHOOD,

that my dues were received in this coin. Nevertheless, even my own sense of justice, though it heartily approved the faithfulness of my father in this instance, as it had done that of my grandmother in the other, could not increase very much my love for religious services, costing me, as they had, two of the very few experiences I had had in all my life of a striped jacket.

** MY GREAT PERIL.

"T^e one incident of my boyhood, however, which I remember as having a powerful bearing upon my character and destiny as a responsible, immortal being, was that of, — what shall I call it? — a spurious conversion, shall I say? Hardly that ; but no matter, I will describe it. Oh, how much reason have I to bear in mind every feature of it ! Many and many a time have I turned it over, and weighed it from that day to this ; and at every turn, for years, I drew from it something to smooth my way into a trap set for me by the arch enemy, which, but for the grace of God, had proved my eternal ruin.

" I have been in many perils first and last — perils by land and water, in war and peace, in sickness and by vio- lence, from carelessness and from malice, by temptation and perversion, but never in any so great as that of scepticism. Thanks be to God for the boundless grace which wrought by wonderful counsel and excellent working for my deliverance.

*'my false step, and how it was taken.

** The incident happened when I was about thirteen years old. A beloved schoolmate, somewhat older than myself, whilst away from home, became a very joyous Christian convert, and returned to relate the story of his happiness

CHILDHOOD.

to all his schoolfellows and friends. One after another gave evidence that his experience had deeply impressed them. The interest naturally grew and extended day by day, and some time passed before any extravagant demonstration appeared. At last, however, the excitement reached a stage quite remarkable for such a secluded corner of the world. Our school-house was the grand gathering-place where we boys held meetings amongst- ourselves. The leadership was in hands without experience. We lacked the balance wheel of discretion for safe and steady working, and our meetings were not conducted after the orderly apostolic rule of speaking and praying one at a time. How much more good might have been secured, and how much less evil endured, if, with the fullest liberty in the spirit, there had been the fullest wisdom in the process ! Who can tell ? Some semblance of order was observed during the first half-hour of our gatherings, but after that came a general confusion, for, notice having been given by the leader, a space was cleared in the centre of the room, into which all who desired the prayers of Christians were urged, both by public and personal appeal, and often by the almost resistless grasp of eager hands. Those who were to be prayed for were surrounded by a circle of those who were to pray for them. When^ the ring was formed, the verse of a hymn was sung : then all knelt down and began to cry aloud, many voices at once — some for mercy, others for the power of God ; one in mere ejaculations, another in continuous supplications ; some in distress, others in triumphant joy ; making altogether a Babel of noise quite overpowering. By and by, one of those enclosed in the circle would rise to his feet and shout, when all would respond in loud Amens and Glory, Hallelujahs ; rise, as if by simultaneous impulse, throw their arms over each

CHILDHOOD. 7

Other's shoulders, strike up some lively chorus or familiar hymn, and sing, swaying back and forth all together to the time of their music.

" In one of these meetings, although I had not the first ray of intelligent conviction of sin or need of salvation, I allowed myself to be dragged into the circle by the kindly violence of over-urgency and the warm grasp of a friendly hand, and there, by the side of another lad, I knelt down. Carried along by blind impulse, following his lead, I cried in a loud voice for mercy ; then when, a few moments later, he rose up and shouted, and everybody else followed suit, I sprang up and shouted too.

" After this, just when I had begun to have some sense of my false position, I felt the pressure of a strong hand upon my shoulder, and looking up, I saw standing outside of the circle a dear friend of my father's, with an expression of painful sympathy for me on his face, and through all the din, his whispered words reached my ear, saying, ' Come ; Will, come with me ; your father wants you.' Stooping down, I slid through and passed out of the ring, and left the house with my father's friend, conscious that many eyes were upon us. The truth flashed upon me in a moment that I had played the fool. The power of sympathetic impulse had been too strong for my weak judgment and will, and I had been rushed into an utterly false position. Oh, how painful were my reflections in that homeward walk ! It was less than a mile, and yet it seemed a whole day's journey. Still, it was all too quickly at an end.

" Very well I knew that the whole matter would be talked over in every household of our little world — all the world to me ; and that I should be reckoned, first among the converts, and afterwards among the backsliders. ' Oh,' I thought, *if I had only seen all this before. But alas I

CHILDHOOD,

was blind, and led like a blind fool into this wretched position ! And what shall I do ? What can I do ? Shall I come out frankly with the truth ? That would be right and noble, but then I shall stand self-confessed a fool. Shall I keep aloof and say nothing ? Then I shall be set down as a backslider, fickle, and unreliable. Or shall I keep along as best I may, and quietly allow my zealous friends to number me amongst themselves? That would be to take upon myself the conscious stamp of hypocrisy, which I never could do.' The quandary was a painful one, and in my indecision I left the whole matter to right itself as best it might, and suffered, in my reticence and sensitiveness, untold agonies for many days.

*' Not all who came within the the circle of this excitement, perhaps not even a majority of them, were urged blindly on into any such false step as that taken by me. Some there were who have given evidence by cheerful, steadfast devo- tion to the cause of Christ, all their life long, and by triumphant faith in the hour of death, that they were truly converted to God.

" My own brother, two years my senior, took a decided stand as a Christian during this excitement, and it was through his subsequent testimony that the Lord was pleased to deliver me at last from the great peril of my hfe. So in the very time, place, and circumstances wherein I was prepared for the snare that awaited me, my unknown Guardian and Saviour prepared also the hand that should break the snare and set me free.

*' MY FATAL COMPANIONSHIP AND FOOLISH PHILOSOPHISINGS.

" Shortly after this period, my brother left home to enter upon an apprenticeship, in a village not far away, as a

CHILDHOOD.

merchant's clerk. Two years more I remained in school, and then, following his example, entered upon a course of training for a business-life in a town still more remote. Here I fell into a most fascinating companionship with a fellow-clerk who w^as much my superior in years. His knowledge of literature was something marvellous to me. The interest and delight he took in introducing me to his favourite authors charmed and flattered me. Unhappily, the books he admired the most were less elevated in morals than in style, more elegant than chaste, but none the less fascinating on that account ; and no thanks to them if the foundations of virtue in my heart were not completely swept away. Sometimes too they incidentally jostled my hereditary veneration for the Bible, and shook it to its base. Very soon a desire began to grow in my mind, in- sensibly at first, to throw off the shackles of all belief in religion, and to be able to follow my own inclinations, right or wrong, without fear of future punishment. This wish soon became father to the fact. The most serious obstacle in the w^ay was my traditional belief in religious experience as a supernatural work wrought in the hearts of men by the Holy Spirit. The false step already described facilitated the speedy removal of this difficulty. Had I not felt the power of sympathetic impulse, in times of high excitement, to make one do and say things absolutely groundless and absurd? And for the rest, had not imagination force enough to create all that was supposed to be supernatural ? " How easy it would be, under the influence of zealots like my schoolmates, and by means of the vivid pictures drawn by them, for any one to think and feel himself a guilty sinner in the hands of an angry God, and then what more natural than that the lovely picture of a forgiving Saviour, who counted His life not dear, but freely gave it up to save

10 CHILDHOOD.

the sinner, should chase away the gloom and fear of hell by the hope of heaven ?

" In this way, by the two-fold force of sympathetic im- pulse and an excited imagination, I was able to account for the phenomena of experimental religion entirely to my own satisfaction, and to make the prevalent idea, that it is a super- natural work, appear absurd and superstitious. As for the Bible, that was easily set aside, and a specious philosophy of the universe, essentially pantheistic, set me at ease concerning any future state for man. I said to myself, * There is no personal God hke the Jehovah of the Bible ; the God of nature is Nature itself. All things are God, and God is all things.' Crude and shallow as my theorisings were, they were profound and beautiful to me ; all the more so, too, because I had a parental fondness for them. Although, no doubt, as old as the days of Cain and the antediluvian children of his perverseness, they were new and fresh to me, and as purely original as if they had not already been elaborated in millions of perverted hearts before.

" A REMARKABLE DRIVE — THE TURNING-POINT.

"Five years passed smoothly on, and every day my sceptical delusions grew stronger, until I became entirely confident that they never could be overthrown. Yet at that very moment the leverage was ready which was des- tined in an hour to overthrow all this work of years. How little did I know what was prepared for me in the gracious fore-cast of Him, whose very existence as a God of provi- dence and grace I had theorised away !

" Once a year my brother and I were wont together to pay a visit hoj7ie, as we still delighted to call the old birth- place, and a happy time it was to us. All the people

CHILDHOOD, 11

greeted us with the warmest welcome, and all the game and fish, nuts and fruits, seemed to await our coming and court our presence, for whosoever's baskets and tables might be empty of these things, ours were sure to be full.

*' Our fifth annual visit was made at a period full of in- terest to us both. I was just out of my apprenticeship, and had commenced a promising and prosperous business on my own account, being now tvventy-one years of age, and my brother was on the eve of beginning a like enterprise for himself. Our plans and prospects afforded us, of course, a great deal to talk about. Indeed, a thousand things pressed for utterance on the one side and the other as we journeyed homeward. Yet, full as were our minds and hearts of other things, my theorisings were too expansive to be held down. The fact, too, that my brother had, seven years before, been a joyous Christian convert, but had meanwhile, as I knew full well, ceased all active participation in religious matters, and surrounded himself with gay and worldly companions, made me very anxious to sound him, and gain still further confirmation for my sceptical position. I said to myself, ' Surely he has come to my conclusion, that religion is all superstitious nonsense, and no doubt he knows now that he was impelled by sympathetic excitement, and deceived by the power of his own imagination, stimulated by all he heard ; there- fore all I shall have to do to draw out a full confession of these facts, will be to tell him the conclusion I myself have reached.' So I ventilated my views freely to him.

" All things favoured me. Our conveyance was a quiet, easy-going chaise, which made no noise, and Ned, the horse, though spirited, was wise and docile — a horse to be trusted anywhere. And my brother Hstened without a word of interruption, whilst I proceeded with

12 CHILDHOOD.

the most perfect confidence of his approvaL Indeed, I expected nothing else but a complacent appreciation of my profound theory of the universe, and a complete assent to my philosophy of the new birth. He listened in silence till I had finished, and paused for an answer. Even then he said nothing, until his silence made me feel so uncom- fortable that I asked him plainly what he thought about the matter j then, with a painful reluctance, he said in a low voice, full of suppressed emotion, * Will, I hate to say any- thing on this subject. My life, I know, has been such as to destroy the weight of anything I could say, and I am only afraid now, that you will think worse than ever of the truth I have to tell you, because it is told you by one so far from being what he ought to be. I would give anything in the world at my command now rather than answer your ques- tion, if I dared to let it go without reply ; but as you have asked me, I feel bound by the interest I have in you as my own brother to give you an honest and decided answer. Your theories are very plausible, and might fully satisfy those who do not know the truth, but I do know them to be untrue ; I do know that conversion, real conversion, is not produced, as you suppose, by the power of sympathy and imagination, but must be the work of God.' Then, to confirm this, he narrated his own experience, as it occurred seven years before. *' His sincerity could not be doubted, for his testimony was given, not with the zeal of a partisan, but with the reluctance of a witness from whom it was forced against his wishes. Then, too, he had been seven long years in cir- cumstances which could not fail to tempt him, if possible, to believe religion a delusion. He assured me that in my theorisings about conversion I had failed to take into ac- count the really important facts of the case. He said, * Instead of being the product of my own imagination, it was

CONVERSION. 13

at every step and in everything entirely different from my previous imaginings. My conviction of sin was not what I had imagined it would be. I thought a conviction of sin would be a deep sense of the guilt of certain acts of my life known to be wrong, and so I tried to make these known sins as black as possible, but when the Holy Spirit really convinced me of sin, I saw, to my amazement, that my whole life had been one continuous rejection of Jesus, and disregard of God. But my surprise was still greater when conversion came. Seeing my whole Hfe to have been wrong, I gave it up, and gave myself up to God. Then my burden left me. I did not know that I was converted, and was disheartened that I could not feel miserable any %ore, and feared that, for lack of feehng sorrowful, I should fail of repentance and never be con- verted. This went on for two whole days, and when at last, through the account given by another of the way in which she had been brought to Christ, I saw that the point of my submission to God had been the turning point of my conversion, it was to me a very great surprise, because it was all so entirely different from my previous imaginings. Then came other surprises, one after the other, in the revelations of God to my soul, filling me with His light and love. His joy and peace, until my joy was so full that I could contain no more.'

" By the time my brother had finished, my theories were all gone. These facts poured upon them a flood which swept away their sandy foundations till they fell, and great to me was the fall thereof.

"a singular coincidence.

" It was a singular coincidence that this happened on the road, just where, once before, my life had been saved

14 CONVERSION.

almost as by a miracle. The mountain approaches the river so very closely here that the roadway has had to be cut out of the rock, forming what is known as *The Narrows.' The cliff lifts its lofty head above, overhanging the road, and on the other side a steep, rough, rocky precipice descends to the water's edge. And just here, in The Narrows, it had happened to me, while an infant in my mother's arms, to be thrown over that very precipice. My father, seated by my mother's side in a chaise like the one we now were in, was driving along, when suddenly the chaise was overturned, carrying with it horse and all, and we rolled over and over to the bottom. Often and often have I heard my father and mother express their wonder that we were not all killed, still more, that we were not even badly injured. The horse and chaise wxre soon righted up in travelling order. Father escaped unharmed, mother was terribly frightened and somewhat bruised, and I carry yet the tiny scar of a wound inflicted by a broken shrub — a slight memento of a wonderful deliverance. And now here again, on this same spot, I had another and more V70nderful deliverance from a peril ten thousand times greater than the first. The vain chariot of scepticism in which I was gliding along towards the pit in the most complacent security, was suddenly over- turned, and rolled down, not to the water's edge alone, but into the river, and there was swallowed up for ever, whilst I escaped, not without mementoes of my deliverance never to be forgotten. Very soon I was righted up again, so as to resume conversation — not, however, on that subject. Vanity enough to inflate and lift a balloon had been let off, and I was sobered and made wiser. My mind was made up to put the matter to a practical test at the earliest con- venient time, and so I dismissed the subject.

" Our visit home ended, business was resumed, and the

CONVERSION. 15

new enterprise, before mentioned, like the twelve yoke of oxen, the wedlock, or the farm, was an ample excuse for putting the matter off. Left to myself I should have put it off for ever.

" One Sabbafh morning, however, the Master of the feast sent a servant extraordinary to compel me to come in. It was my old minister from the village where I had served my apprenticeship, and common courtesy would not allow me to stay at home when he was to preach. His subject was, 'The opportunities afforded by the passing visits of Jesus,' taken from the incident of His restoring sight to blind Bartimeus on the road to the Judaean City of the Palms. He told us that there would be, two weeks hence, a * four days' meeting,' and several well-known men of eloquence and zeal would come from places at a distance to take part in the proceedings, and, best of all, Jesus Himself would be there, and that all who would might then profit by His passing presence. And as he told us this, his heart seemed to burn within him, and fill him with unwonted life and energy. I remember well how his great fist, sledge-hammer-like (he was six feet three inches, and weighed three hundred pounds), came down upon the desk, as if to drive home the facts he uttered, and fasten them as a nail in a sure place. Whilst yet the thunder of his heavy words and blows were in my ears, the still small voice in my heart whispered, ' This is thy convenient time.'

"the darkest hour.

** When the meetings began, my arrangements were all made to attend them morning, noon and night, to the end, in full expectation of receiving all that my brother's description had led me to expect. The first day was one of

16

CONVERSION.

trial and gloom beyond any other of all my life before. In the intervals between, meetings were appointed for special instruction to those who desired to receive it, and as the building where they were being held was in the public street, all who entered would certainly be observed.

*' My first trial was that of going to this meeting. I de- sired, above all things, to have the proffered instruction, but I hated, above all things, to have anybody know it. To go in at the door would be equivalent to publishing my serious- ^ ness at the top of the street, and I could not bear to do it. My pride rose up against it. And besides, what if, after exposing myself to all this, I should fail at last, and find nothing in religion, or nothing of it in myself? The strug- gle in my soul was something awful. Never did a door handle before so burn the hand that grasped it, or a latch so strain the hand that lifted it, or a burden so weigh down the one that carried it ; — so it seemed to me. That was a crushing step, when taken, to my pride, but it served only to increase the crushing, bursting load on my heart. Tlie instructions given were clear enough to those who gave them, but to me they were as dark as Egypt, and mystic as the oracles of Delphos. The next day came, and repeated the first day's history. Interest deepened and extended. Every one, coming forth with beaming face out of the gloom and darkness, served to oppress me by the contrast more and more, until at last, on the third day, the point of de- spair was well nigh reached. All along my cry had been for the new heart promised me. I thought I had only to ask and receive, knock and have opened. Like Job, I thought at last that my burdens were greater than I could bear ; and in my heart I complained of God as one who hideth Himself.

*< My first step had been to seek the light of life by means

conversion; 17

of ministers and Christians, and accordingly I took every opportunity, public and private, to gain it in this way — and failed. Again and again, I was told to go directly to Christ. * Call upon Him — cast yourself upon His mercy — submit to Him — trust Him — believe in Him — yield to Him — give Him your heart ' ; but these injunctions were without meaning or force to me, until I gave up all expectation or hope from men or meetings. Then, but not ti:l then, I was prepared to appeal from these and all things else to the Lord Himself. When all intermediate persons, means, and measures had been practically tried, and proved unavailing, I turned at last, and cried, ' Jesus of Nazareth, have mercy on me.' And then I paid no attention what- ever to the voices, whether of instruction or discouragement, around me. At first, as one has said, *It seemed to me as if I were praying to nothing in the dark ; ' or as another puts it, * My prayer seemed to go no higher than my head.' '* The last day of the meetings came, and the last meeting of the day, and my soul was not saved. Oh ! the weight of the load I carried to that meeting I can never describe. My feet were reluctant and slow ; my face, as I had glanced at it in the glass, told the tale of a sad, sorrowful, woe- begone soul.

"the crisis and decision.

"Yet I cared for none of these things. I forgot them all in the one absorbing cry to God for mercy. I took my place in the crowded assembly, mechanically rose when they rose, sat down when they sat down, heard the text when it was announced, and enough of the sermon to have it give shape to my thoughts ; yet, ever and anon, like the bent bow set loose, my thoughts flew back to my burden, and to my cry for mercy. The subject was, Christ on the

18 CONVERSION.

cross between the two malefactors, one on either hand, the one reviling Him and the other praying to Him, whilst He keeps silence towards the reviler, but assures the praying one of admission with Him that very day to paradise. A contrast was drawn by the preacher between the two classes ; the rejectors and the acceptors of Jesus, in their spirit and in their daily lives. I saw myself, as I had been all my life, depicted in the one, and as I ought to have been in the other. I saw that I owed my being and every good thing I ever had to God, and yet had never in my heart so much as thanked Him. And I saw that He had loved me with a love infinitely more tender, deep, and true, than ever was felt by any father for his son, and yet I had never really loved Him a particle. And, on the other side, I saw that I ought to have loved Him with all my heart and acknow- ledged Him in all my ways. Then came the question of all questions for decision, Shall I now give my heart to Jesus ? And immediately a whole troop of ifs came before me in slow and appalling procession. If I do, and yet fail of the joyful experience I have been seeking, what then? Then a gloomy Hfe and a hard one. If I do, and afterwards fall back, then what ? Then the reproach of fickleness and backsliding. If I do, and take my stand before the world, then what? Then my gay young friends will turn from me, and I shall lose them all. If I do, and carry Christian principle through all my business, and give up the selfish maxims by which merchants grow rich, what then? Then I shall become poor, while they become rich.

" To these and all other * ifs ' there came promptly face to face as many *if nots,' outweighing them every one. But the one great fact, predominating over all besides, was this, — that to love a?id serve God was right, and not to do it was wrong. And on this ground my mind was at last

CONVERSION, 19

made up, my decision taken, my heart given, my life devoted ; and then I was at rest.

"the light appears.

*' These internal questions settled, my thouglits were liberated to look abroad, out and away from myself; then what did I see? The first thing was the picture of Jesus suffering death with sinners for sinners. The. indescribable loveliness of His spirit beamed upon me from every line of His features, every word of His mouth, and every drop of His blood. Oh, what divine compassion in Him to come down from the glories He had with His Father before the world was, to take our nature, and lay down His life for us to save us from eternal death and give us life eternal ! Oh, what forbearance of meekness to receive the insults and scoffs, the spitting and blows, the mockery and cruelty of His enemies, and not command upon them avenging de- struction, but in the last moments to pray, ' Father forgive them ; for they know not what they do !' Oh, how tender and timely, in the eleventh hour — as both He and the malefactor by His side were about to pass out of the world — to listen to the appeal of the condemned one, whose whole life had been wasted in crime against God and man, and instantly to accept his repentance, and give him assur- ance of a home in heaven that very day ! All this while it never for a moment occurred to me to think of myself at all. Whether I was converted or unconverted, saved or unsaved, was a question which, for the time, did not enter my thoughts. My bliss was wholly in Jesus, not in myself, and in Jesus it was full. It was first love, — first and passionate love, and, as such, stands alone in my memory ; though since then I have learned to love Him more deeply and more steadily, because I have been shown from time to

20 CONVERSION.

time more of the length and breadth, and depth and height, of His own love, which passes knowledge, and so have been increasingly filled with the fulness of God.

*'my burden rolled off.

" When, at the close of the service, the assembly rose, and I essayed to rise at the same time, instead of getting upon my feet and lifting myself up, as I had been doing for days, as if a hundred pound pack were pressing me down, to my astonishment I rose with an elasticity such as I never felt before, and stood up, feeling as light as a feather. And then the thought first flashed upon me that the burden of my cry had been heard and answered. * Really,* said I to myself, * I am converted ! ' This thought gave me new joy, and joy of another kind ; yet nothing like so deep and full of peace as that which came from seeing Christ as He stands revealed in the Bible, and as God had revealed Him in my heart.

*' The hymn sung in closing was another joy which it is quite impossible to convey in words. Some day, not far away, I hope to hear the new song, in the new Jerusalem, sung by rapturous spirits ; but shall I ever hear anything sweeter than the melody of that song on that night of my betrothal ? The shepherds of the plain were entranced by the bright vision of angels and the blissful announcement of the birth of Jesus, and by the choral song of glory and peace sung by the heavenly host ; but if they were more filled than I with the peace and glory embodied in the melody, they were filled more than full !

" After the meeting I found that not only had my eyes been opened, but my tongue, which for days had been tied, was now loosed, for I wanted to talk of these things all the time, and tell everybody ; and that night my sleep was as sweet as that of a child.

CONVERSION, 21

" MY HEAVENLY FATHER REVEALED TO MY SOUL.

" The next morning as I rose from my bed, though I did not feel oppressed with the terrible burden of the previous days, I missed the sense of that wonderful buoyancy which so delighted me the evening before. And instantly the thought rose up, that perhaps, after all, the vision and the bliss, like the buoyancy, were only as a passing dream, and that there was no permanent and radical change in me such as 1 had supposed. This was sad enough, and I went on for an hour or so with no very pleasant reflections about the matter ; my mind fixed the while steadily on myself. How- ever, I put on my hat and started for a stroll, more for the purpose of avoiding others than of gaining any special benefit for myself. My way was across a bridge which spanned a shallow, crystal stream, running over a pebbly bed. On the bridge, about the middle, I stopped to look down over the side into the water at the fish and pebbles. In a moment the wonderful and beautiful philosophy of water came up in my thought — how by its having less solidity than the earth, and greater gravity than the air, it runs along its bed downward towards the ocean, and on its way at every step affords joy and gladness to man, not only directly, but through the fishes, animals and birds, trees and flowers, fruits and grains, which would not, could not, live without it. And how it becomes, in rivers, lakes, and oceans^ a highway of trade and commerce for the human family. And then, how through the laws of evaporation, it is taken up in invisible vapour, and carried by air currents over plains, hills, and valleys, and to the very tops of the highest mountain peaks. And how, as it goes, it is distilled by the laws of condensation into dews and showers, to water all the world with fertility and beauty, and fill the pools, fountains, rills, and streamlets, to keep the rivers and ocean full ; — all,

22 CONVERSION.

all for man's sustenance and comfort. Aiid God mea7it it to be so — made it for this very purpose,

" This thought carried me out of myself again, up into the Fatherhood of God, and again filled me full of bliss. From that bridge I went in bounding spirits onward into the wood beyond ; and every tree, shrub, flower, and blade of grass — every insect, bird, squirrel, horse, cow, or sheep that met my eye, seemed joyous in the goodness of God, who made and sustained them. The love of God displayed in them all, by their structure and by the wonderful pro- vision for their life and happiness, seemed so exquisitely tender and delicate, as well as deep and rich, that I could not describe it. The very spider, with his dewy web under my feet, and his wonderful economy and instincts, seemed, as the work and care of God, too sacred to be crushed by a careless tread. And all nature seemed to me to be sending up its silent morning anthem of praise, and its invisible cloud of incense to the God and Father of all, 7fiy God and Father.

"I remember at this period of my life, one night in particular. My day's work done, I started out to attend one of our precious meetings. The sky was clear, and the stars were bright ; yet there was no- thing that particular night in the aspect of the heavens to create astonishment or delight. If the aurora borealis, as sometimes seen in our northern hemisphere, had been playing, filling all the heavens with its flashing light; or if a meteoric shower of so-called shooting stars had been in process, — then there would have been in the night itself something to set one agaze with wonder. But it was not so; it was a clear, quiet starlight night — nothing more. Yet, as alone — though never less alone — I was walking along the road, and lifted up my eyes, thoughts

CONVERSION. 23

unutterably sublime, and feelings inexpressibly sweet, came upon me. As the father of the faithful was led forth, and bidden to look up and count the stars, so I, one of the last and least of the children of faith, tried to measure the universe of God, and number His countless worlds, and was lost in the majesty of the great King, and the glory of His dominions. And as Abraham received from God the peculiar covenant of his great place in the kingdom as the "father of many nations" — and of the Messiah, in whom all nations would be blessed — so I also received in my heart of hearts the seal of God's peculiar covenant for me, that I should have somewhere in His boundless kingdom the very best place in it for me — the place the loving hand of Jesus had prepared for me.

" So dawned in my soul the morning of eternal life, so rose upon me the Sun of Righteousness ; to whom with Thee, the Father, and the Holy Comforter, be glory through its endless day. Amen, and amen."

24 MARRIAGE.

CHAPTER 11.

MARRIAGE.

l^^y^^^HE wonderful change that had taken place in yl^l^Jy ^^ heart of Mr, Boardman, brought him at =^^Pi-^!i once into a different relationship towards the world, as well as towards the people of God ; it also changed the whole tenour of his life as regarded his business affairs. He had commenced life full of ambition to become very wealthy. But now his mind turned to the ministry with the greatest desire to preach this glorious salvation, of which he had become a partaker; and this thought becoming intensified, he longed to go out of business. He told the Lord that if He would send a purchaser, he would sell off everything, invest the money, and commence studying for the ministry.

It was not many weeks before one came, who offered the very amount Mr. Boardman had fixed upon as that which the business and stock of goods were worth. It did not take long to arrange matters between them, and Mr. B. found himself at liberty to carry out his cherished plan. He entered with all his heart into this preparation, and began a course of study which he kept up for two years, when he

MARRIAGE. 25

was drawn aside by an offer from one of his cousins to in- vest what he had in a business, by which he could make a fortune in a year's time. ** And," said his cousin by way of inducement, **you can educate a dozen ministers by what you can make in a year." ** Sure enough," thought Mr. B., and that settled the whole thing. Once more he was in the vortex of business life. And he did make money enough the first year to educate a dozen for the ministry had he chosen to use it for that purpose. But, alas, he had much else to do with the money, as it had brought him back into a worldly Hfe, so that he drifted away from God.

It was during these years of prosperity in worldly matters that Mr. B. was brought into the society of the gay and fashionable. And in this vortex of worldliness he made my acquaintance. It was with him love at first sight, and he sought and ultimately obtained a promise of marriage. A more thoughtless, giddy girl could not easily be found than I was at this time. I never remember to have had any serious thoughts of God, or of salvation, until a few months before my marriage, when I was brought to death's door by an attack of fever of the most malignant kind. At that time, while apparently unconscious, I over- heard the physicians in their consultation saying one to an- other, " If she lives until morning she may possibly recover." So dark was my mind, that I immediately congratulated myself upon being fully prepared for heaven, and thought thus, " How glad I am that I am so good. I am not like such and such a one of my school companions. I am glad that I have always told the truth, and that I have been so honest and upright."

I remembered also how I used to take some nice things to poor old women, to whom my mother sent me. And for this they would call me "blessed" and '*a sweet angel;"

26 MARRIAGE.

and how I delighted to hear it. Thus I counted up my good deeds, and solaced myself with the thought that I was far better than most people, and so I should have a very good entrance into the kingdom of heaven. I fancied that heaven was a very beautiful place, where there would be pleasures of all kinds, suited to each person's taste, and thus all would be happy in carrying out their own desires, and gratifying themselves in the way they each chose.

That night proved to be the crisis of the fever ; by morn- ing the change had really come, and I was out of danger. Still, as I thought of what had been said the previous night, death was before my mind. I therefore asked my precious mother to read me a portion of Scripture.

Tears of joy came into her eyes as she took the Bible and thought upon the wonderful change that had come over her child, making her wish to hear God's Word. My mother never recognised herself to be a Christian, and yet she always delighted in the worship of God. At the early age of seven, she was under great conviction of sin. She had been angry with her little brother, and had slapped him, and the Lord let her see by this that she was sinful. She went at that time to one of the church elders, and to the minister, and told them of her distress of soul. But they told her she must get rid of such notions, and go home and read " ^sop's Fables " and other stories. She went, how- ever, to God in her own bedroom, and there she obtained forgiveness of her sins, so that she had peace, and from that time she loved the things of God. Therefore it was with great delight she now read me a portion of God's Word. But she little knew what was passing in my mind, for I was congratulating myself on my own goodness in having the Bible read to me, and was not in the least interested in the truth it contained.

MARRIAGE. 27

My recovery was rapid ; previous arrangements had been made for sending me to Miss Sheldon's school at Schenec- tady, but as I was engaged to be married to Mr. Boardman, and not as yet very strong in heahh, my father said I need not go off to school, but that under these circumstances, he would let me go into the city, and take lessons in music and French. At the same time I was allowed to go into all kinds of worldly gaiety, so that parties, balls, and amusements of various kinds occupied nearly all my time and thoughts.

The Christmas of 1836 found me with a severe cough setded on my chest, which would not yield to medical treatment. A journey south was proposed as the only hope of relief, and Mr. Boardman, having occasion in the spring to travel in the south, was very much pleased with the prospect of an early marriage.

Accordingly we were married in February, 1837, and commenced journeying, and after awhile, my cough left me, as had been predicted by the physicians.

It was not until we were returning home, some months later, that a word was ever said to me on the subject of salvation. Travelling in our own carriage through the state of New York, we stopped at the house of a cousin for a few days' visit. Whilst there, a bright, intelligent girl, the daughter of the family, said to me, " Mother feels so sorry that cousin Edwin has left the Presbyterian Church."

** The Presbyterian Church ! " I exclaimed, '* I am quite sure he never had any connection with those people ; why nothing would have induced me to marry a Presbyterian ! Presbyterians think that if a person believes anything different from what they say to be the truth, they will go straight to hell ; they think it's a sin to dance, or to go to the theatre, or have any kind of pleasure ; to me it seems a dreadful religion.''

28 MARRIAGE.

** But," persisted the young girl, ** Cousin Edwin was a Presbyterian ; I am sure he did join that Church."

" There must be some mistake about it," I replied, not in the least convinced by what she had said.

In those days the Presbyterian Church of America did not allow its members to dance, or play cards, or attend the opera or the theatre. Of course it is all very different at the present time. However, as soon as there was an oppor- tunity, I told my husband what had been said, and asked if it were possible he could ever have been a member of that denomination.

*• Yes, I have been a member of the Presbyterian Church." This answer was given very reluctantly.

*' Then it's true !" I exclaimed. " But do they not require something quite different from our ideas of life ? I thought they believed in such strictness that they were afraid to smile, or have any pleasure of any sort. Do they not require something that is very dreadful to do ? "

" They do believe one must have a change of heart in order to be saved."

'* A change of heart? What is that? Do tell me, I do not in the least understand what you mean."

" A change of heart, my dear child, is a change in one's affections and desires, which turns the incHnations from the love of the world to the love of God."

" And have you had that change ? " I eagerly asked, not feeling very happy in thinking that my husband had anything that I did not share with him. And when he told me that he had known this change of heart, by an actual experience, I again asked if he thought everyone must have this change in order to be saved.

" Yes, it is true ; no one can possibly go to heaven without being fitted for the worship of heaven; for by nature

MARRIAGE. 29

we do not love God, so we must be changed into His image by having this change of heart."

** I am sure if I had such a belief, I should wish everybody to know it, and could never rest until those I loved were fitted for heaven," I exclaimed.

Little did I know at this time what my words conveyed to my dear husband, and what a dagger was being thrust into his conscience. It was a severe ordeal through which he was passing, as he looked back over his life, and thought how little either the past or present corresponded with this experience, the confession of which I had just drawn from him.

My curiosity was now thoroughly aroused, and I begged that I might have all the particulars. " Do let me know all about the way this change was brought about. How did you get at it ? What did you do ? "

Thus urged he began to relate : " I was a pantheist in the early part of my life." Here I interrupted by asking what he meant by being a pantheist. ** A pantheist is one who believes that all that is or can be known of God, is seen in nature, and thus it does away with revelation."

"Now do, please, go on," I said rather impatiently, fearing I might lose the narrative. He continued : '* It was in the course of a conversation with my brother John, who had experienced this change of heart, that I became convinced that my theory was entirely false. I had been seeking to prove the impossibility of any such change ; but when any one has heart-experience he cannot be driven from it by argument. And my brother went on to tell me how very blessed it was to know one's sins for- given, and to be sure of an inheritance in heaven. I was greatly interested in all he said, and not long after this con- versation my brother met with an accident, which proved

80 MARRIAGE.

fatal. When he died he knew that he was going to glory, and was happy to leave this world, although he was young, with every prospect in life open before him. I sought for a long time to know what this experience was which John had, and which made him so restful and happy. But it was some months before I found out. I heard there were meet- ings to be held for four days in the place where we lived, and I determined to attend them, with the hope of discover- ing the great mystery of salvation which my brother had known. Each day I listened with ears and heart wide open. But it was not until the last day of the meetings that my soul found rest. And then it came in a most unexpected way. The minister was speaking of the love of Jesus, and showing how great and glorious was that love which could forgive a thief who had reviled Him a short time before. I thought if God could forgive such a one, He would forgive me, and I ventured on Him for all, and left all with Him.

I had been weighed down with a'sense of sin, and carrying a heavy burden, which had been growing heavier each day, until it seemed as if I could bear it no longer. As soon, however, as I ceased struggling to get rid of my burden, and let the Lord have all the care of my sins, my burden dropped off, and I could not bring it back. At first I felt a little anxious, lest in losing the sense of guilt I had lost all, but ere long I had such a revelation of God's love, that it cast all doubts out of my mind for ever. It came while I was standing on the bridge which crossed the Susquehanna.

All nature seemed to breathe fresh praises to God ; I saw Him in every blade of grass, and every warbling bird ; I saw the thousand ways in which the water was adapted for the use of man, and I was filled with wonder and astonish- ment at the greatness of God's love in doing so much

MARRIAGE. 81

for those He had created. But the greatest wonder of all was that I had not seen this before. Everything had existed as it was then, and God had been the same ; but how was it I had never known all this ? Where had I been that all this love of God had been shut out of my soul ? I seemed to be in a new state of existence, a new world had opened to my view. Oh, those were happy days when I was filled with God, and I sought at once to tell others of my new-found joy, and felt surprised they did not see it as well as I."

Of course intense longing for this experience sprang up in my heart, and 1 desired to see this bridge where my husband had received such marvellous manifestations of God's love.

" And will you take me to see that bridge ? I should so like to look at it."

"Yes, my child ; we will drive over there the first thing to-morrow."

It was about eight miles distant, and with each mile the desire to see this wonderful sight increased, until at last (and it was not very long with our fast trotting horses), my husband drew up, and there was the bridge in full view before us.

" There it is, you see ! " he said, as he pointed to a long bridge.

" .What, is that all ? " I exclaimed in a tone of the greatest disappointment ; " why, it's nothing like what I expected," and with these words I burst out crying bitterly, as I looked at the dilapidated old bridge, with whatever paint had once brightened it entirely gone.

" And what were you expecting to see ? " said he.

" I thought I should see something bright and beautiful, that would make me feel just as you did."

32 MARRIAGE.

*' Why it was nothing in the place, my child, it was some- thing in my heart. The outward surroundings were nothing to me. You are happy with me wherever we are, just as the Apostle Paul was happy in the prison with nothing to look at but the damp stone walls. He was made happy by the dwelling of the Lord in his heart, and His presence made all bright within, by His love shed abroad."

The impressions made upon me at this time were never forgotten. Often, amid scenes of pleasure, the thought of the necessity of this change of heart, and the reality of the experiences I had heard, lessened the delights of the ball- room. But just now, as we were being entertained by friends, many parties were made for us, so I put off giving the necessary attention to this subject.

Some months after, another line of events opened up which changed all our outward life. My husband found, that instead of gaining, he had failures, one after another, until at last total ruin was threatening him. The first of these losses was by fire. A large hotel, of which he was the principal owner, had been just finished, and not yet insured, when it was burnt to the ground ; this was a heavy loss. Then came the failure of a bank in which he was largely interested ; and next, the bankruptcy of one for whom he had become security to a large amount.

The hand of God was evident in these losses, coming as they did, one after another. One day as my husband was about starting on a journey in hope of saving a large sum which was in danger, he said to me, " I go, but I do not expect to save anything. I deserve this. I deserve to lose all I have in the world, and to lose you too, for the life I have led since I knew God."

This was the first intimation I had ever had that the life we were living was not consistent with my husband's views

MARRIAGE. 83

of what a religious life should be. It was in perfect accord- ance with my own ideas of the way in which Christians should live. But now my responsibilities as a wife pressed in upon me, and I said to myself, " How could my husband live differently, if I did not choose to lead a life such as he might desire ? If a religious life requires us to pray and go regularly to church, and all that, it must be very different to the way we are living. Then, how could we be religious with our present surroundings and worldly friends ? But I must have this change of heart, and know for myself what it is like."

It did not take long for these thoughts to go through my m.ind, and now I fully determined I would never rest until I had this experience. I had made arrangements to accom- pany my husband on this journey, but as we knew many worldly people living in the town to which he was going, I de- termined to remain at home, to read my Bible and pray, and do all that lay in my power to attain this change of heart.

Accordingly, I shut myself up in my chamber, and went to work in earnest. The more I prayed, and the harder I studied to find out about this mystery, the more wretched I became, and soon this oppression of mind told upon my body, and I became so ill as to be obliged to keep my bed. And here I lay sighing and groaning night and day. I cultivated this state of mind, thinking that when I had suffered as much as it was possible for me to bear, and had gone over the ground of what I had 7iot done, as thoroughly as I had reckoned up the good things I had done when I was at death's door, — relief would come.

After an absence of three days my husband returned, and was met at the door by old Pete, a coloured servant, who quickly informed him that I was in bed, laid up, *' Berry sick indeed."

Si MARRIAGE.

" Yes, that is just what I feared, the Lord is going to take away my wife ; just what I deserve."

He was soon at my bedside, and I was not very slow in telling out my difficulty.

" It is no matter about the body, it is the mind I am in such misery about ; I feel so burdened with sin, I thought I had never done anything wrong, now I see that I have never done anything good ; I know now if I am not for- given I shall lose my soul."

"Shall I pray for you?" asked my husband, scarcely knowing what to do or what to think. Grasping at the thought of having some one to intercede for me, I said, *' Yes, do ; pray as hard as ever you can."

** But then I fear the Lord will not hear me, I have been such a backslider."

" Oh, yes, He will, I believe God will hear anybody, if they are only in earnest; I am praying all the time."

At that bed-side my husband began a life of prayer that was never to cease while life should last ; it was

HIS TRUE RETURN TO CHRIST.

The days rolled on. Every kind of test was put to me by my husband. Was I willing everybody should know how I felt ? Would I go forward at a Methodist meeting to be prayed for ? etc. At first I said " No," but soon saw that would not do, pride must go under.

About twenty miles from us lived an old lady, who was a very remarkable Christian. She had known me when I was a child at home. I then used often to go and see her, for I was delighted with her singing, and it was such a wonder to me how she could be so happy without anything (that I could see) to make her so. My father was a thorough Churchman, and, although a Unitarian, was very strict in

MARRIAGE. 35

having all his family attend church regularly, and had never allowed us to go to any other place of worship when living where there was an Episcopalian Church. One day I told her that my father did not like my coming to see her so often, for he felt afraid I might take up with her religious views, and I begged her to promise that she would never say anything to me about these things, for I dearly loved to come and see her, but could no longer do so unless she would make this promise. She replied, " I'll not say anything until you want to hear it, but some day you are sure to ask me to tell you about Jesus, for I shall pray for you, and God always hears my prayers."

I was delighted to take this message to my father, who laughingly said, " Does she think she can change the mind of God, and make the Almighty do as she wishes ? "

I made no reply, but young as I was, I thought it strange we should repeat prayers at Church, if no one was going to hear them. I afterwards went away to school, and had not seen the old lady for five years, and had scarcely thought of her during that time. Yet now her words came back to my mind, as I was groaning over my sins, and I felt a strong desire to see her. As soon as this wish was made known to my husband, he sent the carriage for her, but to my great disappointment she was unable through illness to come, so she sent her daughter, who was a lovely Christian, to take her place. When she came to my bed-side she said, " Mother was very sorry not to come herself, but she sent her best love, and wishes me to say that she could do you no good ; no one but Jesus can help you now, and He will deliver you if you will trust Him."

I was very angry when I heard this. Like Naaman, I was not prepared to receive blessing in God's way. I frankly told my visitor that she was most unfeeling to bring

36 MARRIAGE,

such a message to one in such distress of mind. I thought that she would rather have pitied and sympathised with me, and it was quite different from what I expected of one who seemed so kind years ago. Why had she so changed as not to comfort me when I so needed it ? I was glad when she proposed returning home the next day.

Thus I went on bearing this burden of sin, scarcely daring to sleep lest I should lose all whilst sleeping. The last part of the second week I began to recover, and was so much better, that when the Sabbath came I went with my husband to a place of worship, which was something quite new to us.

I shall ever remember the oppression and weight upon me as I took my seat amongst the congregation ; it seemed impossible to endure this weight of sin any longer. I resolved that if I did not find relief before leaving that place I should give up altogether. The service continued till it came to the last prayer, and I said mentally that I had done all that it was possible for me to do, and now I would give it all over into the hands of God. If He saved me I would be saved, but if not I must be lost.

It was indeed death to all hope from my own doings, death to all self- efforts for salvation ; and just now it was that I lost my burden, and the heavy weight dropped off, when I ceased all struggles to get free, and accepted God's plan of salvation.

Oh, what a change did this simple act of casting all upon Jesus bring to me ! I went out of that place feeling light, and free as a bird let out of a cage. But I did not under- stand in the least what had been done in me, and was greatly surprised that I could not get back my burden. It had gone for ever, gone to the Cross where my Saviour died. Everything seemed so strange to me. However, when we got home I found myself thoroughly exhausted, so

MARRIAGE. 37

much so that I was obliged to lie down as soon as I had finished dinner. I had a restful sleep, such as I had been a stranger to for weeks, and we went again to the same place of worship in the afternoon.

While the last hymn was being sung my soul leaped for joy, for Jesus was revealed to me as 7ny Saviour. I then saw the preciousness of the Blood to cleanse from all sin. I saw how the Lord had taken away my heart of stone, and given me a heart of flesh. The passage in Ezekiel xxxvi. 25-27 was brought home to me by the Holy Spirit, and I knew that God had indeed sprinkled clean water upon me, and that I was clean, and I could now testify to a change of heart.

It was glorious, this new found joy, this knowledge of sins forgiven — never from that day have I had a doubt of my having passed from death unto life. Sometimes I thought I ought to doubt a Uttle, because such good people said it was presumption in me not to doubt, but still I never could be persuaded that I had not been born again. And what joy my husband had in my salvation. What happy days followed ! How we went on hand in hand, and how precious were the hours of worship ! How sweet it was to sing the new song of redeeming love together ! How melted were our hearts in view of what God had done for each of us ! How tasteless all the pleasures of the world became ; how insipid those things seemed which had formerly given us such delights ! It would indeed have been a great trial to dance or play cards, for old things had passed away, and all things had become new.

THE NEW HOME IN STIRLING.

No sooner was my husband fairly out again in the enjoy- ment of God's forgiving and restoring love, than his old

83 MARRIAGE,

longing for the salvation of souls returned with renewed power.

Having once before commenced preparation for the ministry, how desirous he now felt to have the years restored that the cankerworm had destroyed ! Nothing seemed of worth to him but publishing the glad tidings of salvation. However, in the present state of his affairs, he did not feel at liberty to step out of business altogether, and it was nearly three years before the Lord let him have his heart's desire.

These years of waiting were not lost ; there was a pre- paratory process of education going on, quite as important in God's sight as that which came afterwards in "the school of the prophets." In His own way, by paths we knew not, and which did not at the time seem to be bringing His servant any nearer to the fulfilment of his desires — how blessedly the Lord was leading on 1

With the change in our temporal circumstances (which had tended to turn my husband's mind back to the Lord), came the necessity of a change in our manner of Uving. But this caused no sorrow ; on the contrary, we were both very happy in the thought of leaving all our old worldly associations to mix only with those who loved our Lord Jesus. Thus the prospect of a new home in the West looked rather attractive than otherwise.

My husband's object in going so far away was that he might commence business anew where but a small capital would be needed for starting. Stirling, Illinois, in the Rock River district, proved to be our destination. On the banks of this beautiful stream (so named on account of its having a solid rock bed for many miles) we pitched our tent, in a lovely prairie country, in the year 1840. Stretching out before us lay a grand expanse of land, dotted here and

MARRIAGE. 39

there with charming groves of noble forest trees, looking like islands amid the vast stretches of prairie, with scarcely a single shrub to break the monotony of its level surface.

It was in this new home, away from the busy rush of city life, that our service for Jesus began, in a more direct and effective way than before. Here workers were fewer, and people more willing to hear the glad tidings of salvation. The books taken with us (religious biographies, etc.) proved a great source of good, as they were scattered among the families, and found eager readers.

It was the custom of that day in the newly settled parts, to form what was called a " band," composed of Christians of different denominations, who united together to have ser- vices on the Sabbath. Putting aside all differences of opinion on non-essentials, they came together, as did our pilgrim fathers, with one heart and mind to worship God.

The Presbyterian and Congregational Churches had entered into this union. The two denominations took in all others who were willing to join. And it was a boon to such as could not enjoy worship in their own particular denomination to have this opportunity of communion with other Christians.

Precious to all were these gatherings in the weekly prayer meeting and on the Sabbath. It was considered quite a blessing when any minister, regularly ordained, could be found to take the Sabbath services, for in that day ordina- tion was thought to be essential. However well qualified a layman might be for teaching, as a leader he was never looked upon as really in his proper place. It was very different to the present day in that respect, for now there are hundreds of laymen, most acceptable, evangelizing in all parts of the world. My husband was made leader of this band ; that meant that he should be present at the prayer 3

40 MARRIAGE.

meetings and on the Sabbath, if no ordained minister were present. On such occasions he did not attempt to preach, but read out of a book of published sermons.

So the work of God went steadily on, with Mr. Boardman as the leader, and the interest somewhat increased from week to week, until the Lord sent Mr. Fox, a Presbyterian minister, who held meetings daily for two weeks, and was the means of

ROUSING THE WHOLE NEIGHBOURHOOD.

Being our guest, he began his work with myself, by bringing me to see what a mistake I had been making in not praying before others. I shall never forget how very penetrating were his words and looks, when he put the question, reprovingly, " Is it possible that you have been a Christian over a year, and never prayed before another, not even with your own husband ? "

"Why that would be the hardest of all," I replied, "for he knows how to pray, and prays beautifully."

" Ah ! ah ! my child," was his fatherly reply (for I was but a child in the estimation of all who knew me,) "you must not think about beautiful prayers, but look at what you are losing as a wife by not praying with your husband. My wife knelt down by my side as soon as we had the oppor- tunity after our marriage, and to me that prayer was the sweetest I had ever heard from mortal lips, and she became a help to me, and you must be to your husband a true * helpmeet.' And do you know that means * one going before ' ? That is what God wanted Eve to become, and what she would have been had she not fallen first, so that upon woman fell the heaviest curse. Jesus has restored woman to be a helpmeet. Now begin to-day, and kneel down and pray with your brother, who is awakened; you can reach him as no one else can."

MARRIAGE, 41

I said nothing, as my eyes were filled with tears of deep contrition, that I had so long neglected such a privilege as I now saw this to be.

"Will you promise to pray with your brother this very day ? " asked Mr. Fox. I made the promise.

That day my brother, who with his wife was living with us, having become partner with my husband in the busi- ness, came over from the store, bringing his books to make up his accounts in the house, which he had never done before. He was evidently awakened, and his conscience troubled him for having spoken unkindly, even rudely, to Mr. Fox the previous day. Mr. Fox had asked him if he was saved; he replied that he never allowed anyone to meddle with his religious opinions, etc. And now as he sat with his books before him, I went into the room with the determination to fulfil the promise made to Mr. Fox.

" Mary," he exclaimed as soon as he saw me, "I cannot live with you if you are going to have such impertinent people in your house as that Mr. Fox. He made me speak rudely, and I could not sleep last night, just because he had attacked me about my religion ; and you know I am as good as he is. Where is my life wrong, I should like to know ? "

" My dear brother, you know you do not love Jesus, and you are not happy ; we have prayed for you continually, and now, it was not Mr. Fox who was wrong, but yourself." And with this I threw my arms around his neck and cried like a child.

He broke down altogether, and said that my tears were too much for him, I should break his heart j and he was quite willing to let me pray, which I did, finding liberty in utterance. He also prayed, "Lord be merciful to me a sinner ; " these words he repeated over and over until finally he had peace in believing, He, who had for years been a

42 MARRIAGE.

sceptic, was now saved ; he had accepted God's way of salvation " through the blood of the Everlasting Covenant," and at once gave up all thoughts of his own righteousness. It was a joy to us all when the next day he, who had not heretofore bent the knee in prayer even in family worship, now, not only knelt down, but prayed very humbly and yet full of calm and peaceful delight in Jesus as his Saviour. He had a great sense of God's forgiving love to him who had for weeks, if not months, been fighting against his own convictions.

Stirling being now thoroughly aroused, the little band was organised into a church. Backsliders had been re- claimed, and converts added, so that it became necessary to have a pastor. Ere long one was found, a man of God, who took up the work in a more methodical, but less practical way, but he was a faithful pastor in visiting, and kept the flock together.

MOVING FARTHER ON. 43

CHAPTER III.

MOVING FARTHER ON.

N His own way did the Lord now send us out into a far greater wilderness than our former abode. Either my husband or his partner must go where there was a market for the produce taken from the farmers in exchange for goods at their store.

Mr. Boardman's attention was drawn to a large lead mining district in the north of Illinois, to a place called Potosi, not far from Galena. Originally Potosi was called *' Snake Hollow," from the fact that a colony of rattle snakes had taken possession of a cavern in a rock at the head of a ravine. The old name might well have been retained, so com- pletely was the place under the dominion of ** the old Serpent, the devil," for wickedness did so abound here. Gambling, drinking, and lotteries were the order of the day. The employment was in itself most exciting, for a man might one day be without a cent, and the next day, if he struck a lead, as it was called, his fortune was made, for these leads usually led on to extensive beds of ore that seemed sometimes to be exhaustless.

44 MOVING FARTHER ON.

In the year 1842, we settled in this place, which had but one street running up a ravine from the river for a mile and a half; a second street would have been an impossibility, as there were high cliffs on either side. Sometimes the valley widened out to quite a quarter of a mile, and then again it became so narrow as barely to admit of the road and houses, which were built up quite against the hillside.

The back of our house was thus situated, and when there was a heavy rain, the mud came sweeping down the banks in a channel that found a passage way into the house, leaving our only carpeted room in a sad plight. The house could not boast much of architectural beauty. In one respect it was like the Venetian buildings, having various styles of architecture ! It had formerly been a warehouse, with one very large room below and one above. By adding a small kitchen, and partitioning off rooms with calico, we could boast of five rooms.

We little knew when we pitched our tent in this far off valley of Potosi, what the dear Lord had in store for us here, among the rugged hills and the still rougher miners. The appearance of these men as they came out of the mines, covered as they were with the yellow earth, put terror into the hearts of those unaccustomed to seeing them, for it was really difficult to tell whether they were human. But many a noble, generous heart, for whom a mother's prayers had been daily ascending, was hidden under this earthy garb. Many here were brought out to shine as jewels in the kingdom of our Lord.

Yes, it was here in our little rough home that the Lord Jesus became to us nearer and dearer than ever before. As regarded justification, He could not of course be nearer. But here we learnt the preciousness of Jesus' indwelling \ here we received the baptism of the Holy Ghost, and Jesus

MOVING FARTHER CN. 45

was seen and known as a risen, living Saviour. We were brought to understand the truth of those words, "He" (the Holy Spirit) ''shall not speak of Himself;" "He shall testify of Me." " He shall take of Mine, and shall show it unto you." Yes, "He shall reveal to you what I am, so that you may learn My power to keep you, and sin shall not have dominion over you." And these promises proved true, for our Lord was as near to us here as He was to the disciples when they trod together the streets of Jerusalem.

It was a memorable day when, on looking over our books, I took up the Memoir of James Brainerd Taylor. In the course of my reading I came to a very remarkable letter, in which he gave an experience that was most attractive. He told how very precious Christ had become; how He was revealed to him, as not only with him but in him,

CHRIST, A PRESENT SAVIOUR, KEEPING HIM

in perfect peace all the day long, and making life one song of praise. Coming to the end of this beautiful letter, I went at once to find my husband, in order to read to him the delightful bit I had found. " Taylor had sunshine in his heart all the time," I exclaimed, as I finished reading. " How much he knew of Christ ! it is lovely to hear this ! "

"It is exceedingly beautiful, Mary, and that shall be my experience."

" O no, that is impossible ; it is too great an experience for us common Christians. It is just the same as the Apostles taught and lived, but for us it would be presump- tion to think of such a thing."

" But why not ? Taylor was a man in the usual walk of life like myself, and God is no respecter of persons. I can see no reason why I should not know Jesus in the same way he did, and by His grace this experience shall be mine."

" Yes, and then when you have it you will die ; Taylor

46 MOVING FARTHER ON.

died when quite young, and it is given on purpose to fit one for death. You never see one living on this earth who has such a wonderful knowledge of the presence of Jesus as always with him, keeping sunshine always in the heart ; and I am sure if you get this you will die ; and so I hope you will not get it, for I am not prepared to part with you."

** I shall never rest, my child, until I have just such a sense of the presence of God as is here described by Taylor. I need it, O so much ! more than words can tell, and I believe God will give it to me, unworthy as I am."

"I cannot see how it is that you can feel such a need, such a child of God as you are, so true to Him and to your own convictions in every way."

" I know my need," replied my husband, " and there is a craving within me that cannot be satisfied without being filled with God. And He who has implanted this longing of soul will meet it, I am sure of it."

From that hour the whole energy of Mr. Boardman's being was bent on this one thing, and all his powers con- centrated on becoming filled with the presence of God. And then followed months of misdirected effort, and, there- fore, of fruitless struggles. Sometimes he would prostrate himself flat on his face before God, and cry out : ** Just now, O Lord, just this very minute, come and fill me with Thyself." At other times he would fast, and was continu- ally going through with all manner of processes of consecra- tion. Our scanty household furniture, even the little old carpeting we had, was thought unnecessary, and a thing to be dispensed with. Anything and everything which could be done to obtain this desired blessing was done. And constant failure did not quench his ardour, neither did remonstrances prove of the least use. His heart was fixed, and he was not to be turned aside.

MOVING FARTHER ON. 47

How mysterious this seemed to me in one, who was considered by all who knew him at that time, to be a most consistent Christian, upright in all his dealings with others, full of zeal for the salvation of souls, and far ahead of most Christians in his consistent daily walk. What else could such a man need, and why should he spend month after month in this useless search for something far beyond his reach in this life ?

But he not only persevered in seeking for light himself, but he tQok every opportunity of urging others to seek for the same blessing, and very often in the little prayer meeting he would so earnestly say, " I tell you, brethren, there is an experience that we should all be seeking. We all need something. Can you not see how very necessary it is to have more life in Christ, and more of the presence of God ? "

With silent lips my wicked heart would answer, "And can you not see that your efforts are all fruitless, and that you were much happier before you ever thought about this experience, and would you not be better off to let it all alone ? " I did not seem to myself to be resisting the Lord, for I had no light on the subject, the Spirit had not revealed to me the possibility of anything better than the experience we had at conversion. I knew we must grow in grace, and regretted that my growth was not at all apparent. It was a great mystery to me how any one was to grow, as I thought growth meant getting better, and doing better, and having more work for the Lord ; and that this growth was attained by culture, that is, cultivating whatever gifts one had, and spending time in fasting and prayer. And as mine was a very busy life, and on the whole happy, I seemed never to get time for the necessary work attending growth in grace.

48 MOVING FARTHER ON.

EYES OPENED.

The time came, God's time, for bringing me down out of all my own ideas, and letting me see His way of filling the heart with Himself. It was a lovely Sabbath morning in the month of May, when, not feeling well, I was left alone, my husband having gone to the only place of worship in the valley, where services were held in a log meeting house. I was looking over our books, and my eye chanced to light on one left by a Methodist minister when on one of his circuit visits to us. As he was our guest, and had charged me to read this book before his return, which would be in a few days' time, I took it to run over its pages, so as to be able to say I knew what it was about. It was upon the doctrine of Christian Perfection, and as I had not the slightest interest in this subject, I was about to put it down, when, on turning to the last pages of the book, I saw the experiences of Professor Finney and Dr. Mahan. I read these experiences with intense interest.

To my great astonishment, here I found living witnesses to the fact of being filled with the presence of God, and kept filled by the power of the Holy Ghost. They had found out the great secret of the power of God to save them from their sins, and this to my mind was something very practical and most desirable. It was an actual fact that just as they were delivered from condemnation and eternal death by the Lord Jesus Christ, so they were delivered from reigning sin, — they who had been troubled with the same sins that beset me, sins that I sought most earnestly to put down, such as anxiety, ambition, pride, a man-fearing spirit, impatience, and love of the good opinion of others.

How often during my past Ufe had I written down reso- lutions, and placed them on a chair, then kneeling before them, asked the Lord to see how solemn a vow I was

MOVING FARTHER ON. 49

making, would He help 7?ie to keep it ? To think of asking God's help, as if I were the head, and He a helper in doing that, which I afterwards saw w^as wholly His work to do 1 And now what light burst in upon me as to Who was to do all ! I saw that it was as much God's work to save me from my sins, as it was to convert my sciul in the first place.

CHRIST MUST DO ALL.

And could it be possible that this experience was just what my husband had been seeking, without knowing exactly what it was he so longed after ? To my mind it now assumed such a definite form as to be within reach. It was a tangible thing, this being saved from besetting sins. I needed this very deliverance of which the brethren wrote, and to which they testified, and I too made up my mind that, cost what it might, this experience should be mine. The first question that arose was, " How long would it take to get hold of this new life ? " I feared I could not hold out in any lengthened effort, as I still was happy in my first love^ never having backslidden, but always delighting in service for the Master. But I went down before the Lord, and made, what seemed to me to be a very complete surrender to Him of all that I had, and of myself as well. I then asked the Lord to show me what else I had to do, and He assured me that no further process was necessary. He would do the rest. It was His work to cleanse and keep me from sin. I trusted Plim to do all, and peace filled my soul. My spirit was restful and serene as I let myself go into His hands, believing in His power and will- ingness to do everything I needed. Jesus was now enthroned within as King, to reign and govern His own dominion.

Precious moments these, but alas ! scarce twenty minutes

50 MOVING FARTHER ON.

passed ere a question arose in my mind. ** Have you given your lips to the Lord ? Are you willing to tell what He is to you now ? "

** How can I do more than I have done in the way of giving my lips, dear Lord ? Surely it cannot be that Thou dost want me to speak in any public way, when the Word says women are to keep silence in the churches ! I talk to individuals ; I do pray in small circles ; and what else can I do ?" It sounded in my heart, " You must tell what I am to you wherever I wish; your lips are Mine, and must be fully surrendered."

*' But there is no opportunity," I argued. This objection was very quickly overruled, as the answer came that the Methodist class was open to me.

"lean never go there," was my thought. " What will such and such a one think and say ? I can never go there, and it cannot be that the Lord wishes it." The pressure increased ; my peace had taken wings, and I was in greater darkness than I had been at any time since my conversion. I tried to think this pressure was from Satan, but I could not get away from it. Darker became my mind, and heavier was my spirit, until at last I said, ** Lord, what can I do ? I am not willing, and I cannot make myself wilHng to speak in any public way, it is all so against what seems right and proper. But, Lord, I give my unwiUingness to Thee."

HOW LIGHT CAME.

It seemed but a moment ere I was more than willing to tell out the story of what Jesus was, and what He could do for all who would consecrate themselves, and trust fully in Him. Only an hour before I had been in a spirit of oppo- sition, not knowing what I was resisting. I did it in ignor- ance, as thousands do.

MOVING FARTHER ON, 51

When my husband returned home, I hastened to tell him of my new-found rest of soul, and how the Lord had been dealing with me during his absence. He, never thinking it possible that I could so quickly have come into the ex- perience he was seeking, said, ♦' The Lord be praised for this ; you may get hold of it before I do,"

" Get hold of it ? why there's nothing to get hold of, it is letting go all hold of everything but Jesus." He was indeed mystified, and scarcely knew what to say, but was very glad to see me S3 full of delight in Jesus. I was greatly dis- appointed, because I thought my dear husband would see that Jesus would do all for him, as soon as I told him what He had become to me. And now to find that he did not see it at all, and could have no sympathy with me, when he had been six months seeking, was as great a surprise to me as my new-found joy was to him. But I was comforted to know that the time was near at hand when he would see the simplicity of trusting Jesus for everything, by letting all go, and leaving all efforts and strugglings. And I said to him, "What you want is faith."

"Yes, that must be so," he quickly replied, **for I have tried everything else ; so now I will try to get faith." And at once, his thoughts being directed to faith as the object rather than the Lord Jesus, he was in as great difficulty as before. But he kept on struggling after the necessary faith, forgetting that faith must be centred on the Object — Jesus Christ.

THE HOUR ARRIVED FOR THE METHODIST CLASS MEETING,

and I found my feet more than willing, for with joy did I go forward to tell the blessedness of what Jesus could do. I did not wish to speak of myself, for I saw how the Lord

52 MOVING FARTHER ON.

Jesus had come to take up His abode in my heart, on purpose to reign as King over all its affections and desires.

My testimony in the class meeting stirred the people, and I don't know how much good might have been done, had not a brother said, ** Sister Boardman, you will not shrink back from professing the whole truth, and calling things by their right names. You'll have to profess perfection, or you'll not keep the blessing."

"But I have no perfection to profess, I never before felt my imperfection as I now do. I always thought myself somebody, but now I see I am nothing and nobody."

*'Yes," replied the brother, "but all that need not prevent your professing perfection, for it is not absolute perfection we mean, but Christian perfection. And I am sure you'll lose the blessing, if you do not come out boldly on the subject, and declare the whole truth."

" But, brother, I cannot tell an untruth, and I am not perfect, but Jesus is my perfect Saviour, and I cannot lose Him. He has taken up His abode in my heart, and I do not think He will go away while I trust Him to stay and keep me. It is His presence that is my joy and happiness."

The words of the brother might have troubled me more had not my mind been taken up with the thought of my husband. I so longed to have him know this glorious Saviour as I knew Him. But there seemed no prospect of his ceasing all effort, for he was most intently seeking faith

Just at this time, the Lord, knowing our ignorance and seeing our need, sent a dear sister in the Lord to stay with us. She had a rich experience, and had seen something of the error of those professing to be sanctified, but had passed safely through the Scylla and Charybdis of perfec- tionism on the one hand, and of indifference or opposition on the other.

MOVING FARTHER ON. 53

The bulk of professing Christians were then as now, indifferent, or opposed to the glorious truth that Jesus can deliver from the dominion of sin, and keep those who trust Him from yielding to temptation. She had been a member of Dr. Kirk's Church, in Albany, and fifteen years before this, she was one of thirty members who had been turned out, as having embraced great error.

Half of the thirty had gone into antinomian perfec- tionism, which led them into many very extravagant ideas, all the while under the impression that they were guided by the Holy Spirit. Because they prayed without ceasing, therefore they followed the suggestion of the adversary, that secret prayer was unnecessary. On the same ground they gave up family worship. So they imagined that the Lord told them they need not observe the Sabbath, as they kept a holy Sabbath every day in their souls. Therefore the wives and daughters did the same on Sunday as on weekdays, and while professing holiness, were not ashamed to be seen seated at the window, engaged in sewing, on the Lord's day. Thus Satan, as an angel of light, led them into many errors, and brought into great disrepute the cause of Christ.

But this dear old lady, who had been dismissed from the church with the others, but without sharing in their errors, was God's special gift to us. She taught us many things, and strengthened me in the belief that Jesus would keep me in this blessed peace, if I never allowed anything to come between my soul and Christ, but would take every- thing to Him, just as a loving child would take all its little wants to its mother. All this was a wonderful help for had she put me upon the ground of what I must do, or what I must be, she would have brought me into bondage, instead of helping me to stand fast in the Hberty wherewith Christ had set me free. As the days went on, we were

54 MOVING FARTHER ON,

continually before the Lord in prayer for my dear husband, and the time came when, in a little prayer meeting, he was brought out.

Once a week we gathered together at the house of Mrs. Galapsie for prayer and to give testimony. She was an earnest Christian, living further up the ravine, and had a large commodious room for this purpose. As we were going to this meeting, I was feeling very desirous of telling out what the Lord had done for me, as I had promised Him I would do, but the fear of being called a perfectionist was on my mind. And I said to my husband that I should so delight to tell them at the meeting what Jesus had become to me, but if they were going to call it " perfection," as they did at the class meeting, I could not speak of it, because I felt my imperfection as never before. *'WhatshallI do?"

**You need not trouble yourself about this," he replied \ "I have never found it of the least profit to dwell on doctrines, and why should you ? Just tell out in a simple way what Jesus has done for you, and what He is to you, and let the rest alone. Trying to settle your experience to suit the opinions of others, will only confuse you, and you are nowhere told in the Word of God to profess perfection."

" Sure enough," I exclaimed, and at once my soul was set at liberty on this point ; then instantly my whole thoughts were absorbed in my husband's state of mind, for it seemed so very strange that he who had always been as my teacher, leading me on, should now be in such distress of mind and so oppressed.

WHAT HAPPENED IN THE PRAYER MEETING.

For some time past there had been much interest in

MOVING FARTHER ON. 55

this little prayer meeting. But on this most memorable occasion one was leading who was not spiritually minded. He was fond of hearing himself talk, and had consumed nearly half the time allotted to the meeting in this sort of self-entertainment. It was most trying thus to see the precious moments frittered away, and my dear husband, pressed as he was in spirit, felt like giving the man a sound thrashing. And he fully determined, when he had finished talking, to reprove him with great severity. He would tell him to stay at home another time, and get his own cold heart warmed up, and not come to a meeting like this, and spread out his own views, thus taking all the life out of the meeting.

Then came into his mind a far different thought, a gentle suggestion from the Master of this meeting. " What would Jesus do were He here. He, in all His compassion and love ; what would He say? Jesus would not lose patience with the individual. He would call attention to Himself, and in some way He would draw all to look to Him as the Saviour, and fill them with joy, as He did the woman at the well, and make them rejoice in Himself by revealing His own love." "If He were here, yes, if He were only here!" thought my husband. Then came another word, so full, so clear, ♦* Lo ! \ am with you alway, even unto the end of the world." And faith, receiving what was said as a real fact, brought the presence of Christ Himself, a risen Saviour, alive from the dead, with him for evermore. Soon came another word quite as clear, *' Thou shalt call His name Jesus, for He shall save His people from their sins." That moment he rolled over upon Christ, as his present Saviour from sin, the whole responsibility of keeping him.

A wonderful change was this after all the toiling and struggling of the past half year ! It was in many respects

56 MOVING FARTHER ON,

a glad surprise, a glorious disappointment. It was not entirely different from what he had expected, but a great deal better. He had been looking to be made holy in him- self, instead of which his eyes were opened to see, and his heart to accept, his own utter bankruptcy in himself, and his solvency in Christ alone. And this was unspeakable joy, because it bound him indissolubly to Christ for ever by the bond of an absolutely necessary dependence for every- thing pertaining to life and godliness. He now saw where had been his great mistake. He had been toiling and trying to believe for a completed work wrought in himself, a state of sanctification, in which all would be completed, so that he might take satisfaction in his own holiness, instead of in Jesus his Sanctification.

My husband rose from his knees to his feet in the little meeting to tell others what had been revealed to him. And he had now something to say which he thought would thrill every heart as it had done his own. He was greatly disap- pointed that all present did not quickly respond. But even the two who had already become somewhat convinced and anxious for a fuller life in Christ did not meet his expecta- tions. In his joy he had well nigh forgotten the wanderings of the wilderness life in which he had spent half a year before reaching the Land. But now fairly in the Land, and seeing that it was but to step over Jordan and he was there, he thought he could quickly point out the way to others. But, alas ! he found that souls were puzzled and perplexed here in this little meeting, and this calls to mind what he afterwards wrote concerning his own journey ings from Egypt to Canaan.

We quote his own words : '* In all the wanderings of the children of Israel I see my own experience wonderfully fore- shown. Looking back over all the way in which the Lord has led me, I see at every step two things —

MOVING FARTHER ON. 57

" MY OWN SHAME AND GOD's GLORY.

*'When I look at my own part in it I see murmurs, and fears, and rebellions ; but, wlien I look at God's part, I see the whole route ablaze with His glory, His patience, forbear- ance, gentleness, kindness, faithfulness, and love. Yes, and in the Land He is all the glory of it. Oh ! how my heart melts at the thought ! "

Again we take up his own expression of the heart- felt satisfaction experienced this very hour of the revelation of God to him : " But, oh, when the Lord led me into rest of heart in Jesus for sanctification, how sweet it was ! What an hour was that, and what a place ! If ten years before the open vision of Christ on the cross had made the little school-house, where forgiveness was shown me, the gate of heaven — this place where now I saw Jesus in His invincible presence with me, face to face, though it was only a plain widow's cottage on earth, seemed within the walls of heaven.

0 what a revelation was that to me, when in the very name of Jesus — so called because He should ' save His people from their sins' — His office as my Emancipator from sin was embodied ! O how my soul was gladdened with the assur- ance that the work would be done, that I should be purified unto God, and made zealous of good works, and should be kept by the power of God, and presented faultless before the throne in the great day, when I saw that it was the work and the delight of the Saviour to do this for me ! Henceforth, in this matter, my soul was at rest ; and, oh, what a peace flowed in upon me and overflowed me ! Then

1 could realize the preciousness of the words of Christ, ' My peace I give unto you,' and of the prophet's wonderful words, ' Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on Thee, because he trusteth in Thee.' Hence- forth, the Bible, precious as it had been to me before,

58 MOVING FARTHER ON.

received a double illumination to my apprehension. A mighty vein, before hidden, now unfolded itself, insomuch that the Word of God, from Genesis to Revelation, was again a new book to me. Here, again, for this new neces- sity my heart had found its rest, and every want was satisfied."

However, the experience of the six months of mistaken efforts, before coming into the light, were of great benefit to him all through life. It enabled him to teach others to avoid these self-imposed processes, and to lead them to come directly to Jesus, to find in Him every need of the soul met. Yes, fully met. To him it was not the end of sanctification, but the beginning of a life of full, abiding union with Jesus. It was a new and better starting point for full and real progress in all time to come, all the springs of which were in Christ, not in him- self. And this gave him unbounded satisfaction, because it bound him to Christ for all future progress, and gave him the precious assurance that there would be no end of growth, and also no stint of fruitage. Glory be to God !

BLESSED RESULTS OF ABIDING IN CHRIST. 59

CHAPTER IV.

BLESSED RESULTS OF ABIDING IN CHRIST.

NEW era dawned, not only upon the little nucleus of Christians in Potosi, but upon the whole valley and neighbourhood around. The Christians were the first moved upon by God. One after another came into the light as Christ was revealed to them, and week after week the interest increased, so that the people came together almost every evening without waiting to be invited, and souls were gathered into the fold. Among these were many young men with mothers at home, whose prayers had followed them to this land whither they had come to seek their fortunes. Our hearts were stirred within us as we saw those who had left their comfortable homes now living in shanties with rough men, steeped in all sorts of dissipa- tion. There was no more effective way of reaching them than by getting hold of one at a time, and drawing them out to tell us something of their childhood and home life. It usually brought tears to their eyes to speak of their parents and sisters who were left behind. We frequently found there was a chord in each heart that could be

60 BLESSED RESULTS OF ABIDING IN CHRIST,

touched, especially such as had felt the pressure of a mother's hand upon their heads as they knelt at her side, and looking up to God, said the simple prayer of childhood. I recollect a man, past thirty years of age, who could only pray in the words, *' Now I lay me down to sleep," though he was anything but sleepy, in fact, was wide awake in seeking the salvation of his soul. He often laughed about his first attempts at prayer after he had become accustomed to speaking before others, and had learned how to speak with the Lord as if in His immediate presence.

A SCOFFER SAVED.

One young man who was talking about the revival in the town, and ridiculing religion with a number of others in a neighbouring drinking saloon, was induced to come over to our house to hear what I might have to say, so that he could return to his companions and make fun of it. I was well known to them, as I was accustomed to meet them on their own ground in the drinking saloon, where I went to give tracts and to talk to them. The young man came, and was received by me with very great delight, because I thought the Lord had sent him that he should be saved. My husband being away attending a meeting, I was left alone with him, and we fell into conversation, he doing most of the talking by being drawn out to tell of his early life ; and when •! found he had a praying mother, I was sure the time had come for her prayer to be answered, and pressed him to accept Christ now.

Some weeks after this I happened to be at a meeting, and heard him telling his experience, and how God met him at that very time. He did not wish to return to the drink- ing place that night, and when he met his companions, it was to tell them how he had humbled his heart before God, and began to pray in our house the night he left them.

BLESSED RESULTS OF ABIDING IN CHRIST. CI

We found it very blessed to be able to point those who were saved, to a Saviour who could take away every unholy desire, and set them free from the appetite of strong drink. It would have been a tremendous fight for them to have tried to stand in their own strength against the evil influences around them. Under the old teaching of trying to over- come sin by good resolutions, or striving to conquer old habits by a determination of will, none could have stood their ground, but when taught that there was One who would undertake all for then\ that He would save from sin and keep that which was committed unto Him, many who were then saved, turned from their own trying to trust Jesus.

It was not long before the report of what was going on in Potosi spread through the mining region around. A message came from one of the chief citizens of a place sixteen miles away. He was in great distress of mind, as well as body, being confined to the house by disease of the arteries, and expected to die at~any moment. Although he had been for forty years an officer in the church before coming to this wicked country, yet he had never heard how Jesus could save those who thus trusted Him, from all de- pression of spirits, and lift them out of all doubts and fears. He wanted Mr. Boardman to come to him with the secret of salvation from sin, and called together his friends and neighbours to hear what my husband had to say of this wonderful salvation. They listened with intense interest. Everyone present seemed stirred up to seek deliverance from the dominion of sin, and another meeting was sug- gested for the next week. In the second meeting some of those who had been seeking for light, and longing to know how to be saved from anxieties and all their besetting sins, came into perfect liberty. It was a glorious revelation to them.

62 BLESSED RESULTS OF ABIDING IN CHRIST. BURNING THE BRIDGE.

The suffering brother at whose house we had gathered was also brought out into full liberty, as my husband was showing that those who wished to enter this life of victory over sin must make a thorough consecration of all to Jesus, and not leave one thing to fall back upon as a dependence. All hope of doing anything must be abandoned. Trust in Jesus must be complete, they must do as Washington did at the Brandy-wine — burn the bridge behind them. They must step off, and step over upon the promises, not only by believing with the heart, but by confessing with the mouth.

He had scarcely time to close the sentence before the sufferer arose and exclaimed, "I'll burn the bridge! I see how it is, no retreat possible. I am free, and feel light as a feather, all the depression gone ! Praise the Lord, He is the One who will do all when we surrender all. I see I have been afraid to venture fully. It is so like conversion, you can all see how simple it is — ^just putting oneself into the hands of God."

This brother's testimony gave a great impetus to the meeting, and two weeks later on, when my husband visited him again, what was his astonishment to find him engaged in hard labour at his wood pile, sawing wood. *' And how- is this ? What can it mean ? " exclaimed my husband on seeing him look so well.

•' Mean ! " he repeated, " It means that I am a well man, I who have been pronounced incurable by several doctors, I who have not been out of my house for six months, here I am strong and well, delivered from all disease. The Lord hath done wonders for body as well as soul ! "

" Do you say that God has actually healed your body ? "

*' Yes, He has done it Himself. As I had trusted Him for

BLESSED RESULTS OF ABIDIXG IN CHRIST. 63

my soul, and He had delivered me from that awful depression and anxiety that weighed upon me so heavily, just so I thought He could and would heal my body. I fully believed He would hke to have me free in body, so that I could go round proclaiming what He had done, and what He had become to me. And you may be sure people will hear of it, I'm not going to keep still. I tell you, brother Boardman, I never was so happy or so strong in body as I am to day ', I am a new man, body, soul, and spirit."

Thus early in our Uves did the Lord seek to teach us the fulness of His redemption for the body as well as for soul and spirit. But not until late in life, many years after- wards, did we learn to understand this glorious fact.

The work of God and all His wonderful doings spread from place to place. Dumb spirits were cast out, so that the mouths of those were opened to speak forth the praises of God, whose lips had been closed in silence all their lives, and a tide of blessing spread through the country all about.

THE TWO EVANGELISTS.

It was the custom in this country for settled pastors to have time given to them to go and help the feeble churches. Hearing of the work that was going on at Potosi, Mr.

Holbroke, of and another minister came over

to help us. Seeing the great need of Evangelistic work in the place, and the spiritual hunger of the people, they con- sented to remain and hold a series of meetings if any suitable place could be found. The little log church, already built, was refused them, but a much larger log building was found, and the counters, shelves, stairway, etc., were taken out of it, and seats and desk put in. The people gave the necessary money joyfully, and worked at it with delight ; and it was quickly done. 4

64 BLESSED RESULTS OF ABIDING IN CHRIST.

The meetings began. The season was the worst of the year. Winter was breaking up, frost coming out of the ground, snow melting, rain falUng, and the mud in the streets very deep, yet the house was full every night. A converted hotel-keeper had a good pair of horses and a stout wagon, and never were they put to better use than in bringing load after load of those who could not wade to the meeting ; while those who could make their own way through mud and water did so. Three weeks the meetings went on, and a great work was done. The tide was rising still, but the ministers could remain no longer. They left, and now what was to be done ?

The Lord solved the question. My husband in this emer- gency was laid hold upon by the brethren, who said, " You must take the lead ; try and give us a sermon next Sunday, and we will sustain you by prayer."

** I cannot preach," was the reply.

" Then do what is very much better for us here, give us a talk ; there are plenty of hungry souls to be fed."

Thus pushed forward, he took his stand in the desk on the following Sunday, and I shall never forget how my heart beat with fearful anxiety lest he should break down. The text was, " Adam, where art thou ? " I must say I was thankful when all the hiding places of the soul had been laid before the people and the discourse ended ; it was a relief to know that my dear husband had got through, and found plenty to say. I fear in that first attempt at pulpit oratory I was too much occupied with how he should get through to think much about the people. And there was no need of anxiety, for it was all written out, and there was nothing to prevent him from reading what was before him.

Being thus led out, my husband went to work to build a house of worship, as the present place had become too

BLESSED RESULTS OF ABIDING IN CHRIST. 65

small to accommodate the people. The money for this was not obtained by bazaars, concerts, or entertainments of any kind, but collected from the men of the town. The saloon- keepers gave towards it, and no one at the card table thought of refusing to aid in this work. They would lay aside their cards, and write down their names in the subscription book in the most business-like way, then return to their occupa- tion without in the least appearing to have been disturbed.

The house was built of brick, a good substantial building. Many a man was drawn into it because he had an interest in it as a subscriber ; so more of these men were finally brought into the fold of Christ than ever could have been, had they not given their money towards the building of this place of worship. While my husband was pushing forward with the building, and taking charge of the Sunday services, he longed more than ever to be wholly free from all business trammels. And before the completion of the church, the Lord in infinite wisdom opened the way, and led him out, free from debt, and from all habilities of every kind. It was a happy release, and he now went forward as being practically the leader and pastor.

Meanwhile the people were very desirous to have him ordained as a minister of the Gospel, that thus he might be able to administer all the ordinances of the sanctuary. The presbytery of the United Congregational and Presbyterian Churches, meeting at a neighbouring town, were in session, and my husband, pressed by the people as well as by the circumstances in which the Lord had placed him, went for- ward, and was ordained.

All seemed united and happy in this arrangement, both pastor and people. The Lord continued to bless the little church gathered in this wilderness ; souls were added, and many desperately wicked men and women were brought

66 BLESSED /RESULTS OF ABIDING IN CHRIST.

into the fold. Two Irishwomen, who had been drinking and fighting in the streets so fiercely as to draw blood, were among the number added to the fold of God, and became active in bringing others in to be saved. There were also visitations of judgment at this time. One man, who was passing the Httle church while it was in process of building, cursed the people at work upon it, and used blasphemous language which it was awful to hear. Before that same hour next day he was in eternity, struck dead by the God whom he had defied.

DIFFICULTIES IN THE WORK.

The Mormons were troublesome. They came to the meetings and would persist in giving out their own place and hour of gathering, after this fashion : " A Mormon Elder will hold a meeting, in which you will hear the Bible explained in the light of the new discoveries of the Mormon Church," or something to that effect. They seemed to have an influence upon those who were awakened and had begun to enquire after the truth, and some who were under conviction were drawn quite away. They were beguiled into thinking the Mormon must be right, because for a whole hour he quoted or read from the Bible, one part after another, without note or comment. ** So very Scriptural," the ignorant would say ; ** I like all that from the Bible ; what the Word of God says must be true." And some of the listeners were persuaded to be immersed, which, in every instance, put an end to all their serious impressions, as they were taught that all their sins were washed away by this observance.

One man, who was a very sober, honest, steady man of business, a moral man but not seeing the need of the blood of Jesus, was awakened. The Spirit strove with him

BLESSED RESULTS OF ABIDING IN CHRIST. 67

until he lost all appetite, and became ill with fever. When he was convalescent we prayed with him and talked to him every day. Sometimes he seemed on the point of yielding himself to God, but something kept him back. We found that the Mormons were coming daily to see him, and he was vacillating, sometimes believing that he must accept salvation through the Blood, and then, turning from the Cross, he would be drawn to follow his natural inclination to be saved by doing something. Finally he said, '* I must ,try the Mormon plan," and nothing that could be said was of the least avail to turn him from his purpose. He was immersed, and much gibberish was said over him, and many promises made to encourage his faith in Mormonism. But, alas ! from the day he yielded to their persuasions he became hardened against God. In fact, afterwards he went from bad to worse, until in less than a year he died, blas- pheming God.

This was a lawless place, and there were terrible forms of sin with which to contend. Though Wisconsin was not a slave state, men, in spite of the law, held slaves in bondage, and they were so hardened in heart that it did not seem possible to approach them. The pro-slavery feeling was very strong; many of the people having come from the South, full of prejudice against abolition. Potosi w^as ac- cessible to the slave-holder ; he could come up the Missis- sippi river bringing his slaves with him, and, in this lawless place, be protected by public sentiment which is often stronger than law.

One case grieved us greatly, that of a Mulatto woman, who took in washing. She was most valuable in the com- munity, where it was almost impossible to get anything of the kind done. She had been converted, and was a great favourite with all whom she served. Hearing that her

68 BLESSED RESULTS OF ABLDING IN CHRIST.

master was going back to the South, she became alarmed, and we had promised to protect her from this cruel man. He however, seeing she was afraid, told her she could be quiet, he should not take her back with him. Thus he managed to lull all our fears, and then carried his point in this way. He waited until a steamer was at the landing, then took the mother and children by night, and driving furiously down to the river, held a whip over her head, threatening to kill her and his own children if either uttered a word. Thus was she dragged back into the darkness of slavery with her little ones, and to what, God only knows ! What notes of gratitude rise from the hearts of those who have witnessed even a very little of the evils of slavery, knowing it is done with ; that slavery no more exists in the United States. Praise the Lord 1

HIGHER LIFE EVANGELISM. 69

CHAPTER V.

HIGHER LIFE EVANGELISM IN A SCHOOL OF THE PROPHETS.

LTHOUGH SO pleasantly situated with the little congregation gathering at Potosi, and although amply sustained, — all our temporal needs being supplied by them, — neverthe- less, my husband felt deeply his need of culture and of special training for his work, and yearned for an opportunity of going to some theological school where he could take a full course of study. God answered his prayers by a very unlooked-for series of events.

Near the middle of the second year of his ministry, when he was about thirty-four years of age, an agent of the Wisconsin Anti-Slavery Society came to Potosi and asked for the use of the Church, in order to speak to the people in the name of the Lord, on behalf of the poor slaves of the South. It was not in my husband's heart to refuse, though he knew that excitement must follow. A dema- gogue, seeing that he could make political capital of this, took the matter up, challenged the stranger to a public

70 HIGHER LIFE EVANGELISM

discussion, and soon raised so great a storm that the man's life was in danger.

My husband had taken part in the discussion on the side of Hberty, and now took the stranger to his own house for protection ; and soon the storm passed over sufficiently for him to be sent away in safety. But from that day the tide of popular feeling turned, and ceased to set towards the church, and Mr. Boardman saw at once that this was the opportunity for which he had been longing. As soon as provision could be made to supply his place, he struck his tent and departed.

LANE SEMINARY IN OHIO,

Was the school of his choice, and there the \velcome he received was very hearty, and peculiar respect was paid to him. No doubt the knowledge of the work the Lord had already done by him in Potosi, paved the way for the work He purposed to do through him at Lane. Nevertheless it was all very different from what we had anticipated. My husband had taken it for granted that a *• School of the prophets" would be all alive, and full of interest in all the experimental realities of faith. It was a sad surprise to find the whole drift of thought and aspiration setting, not toward the Lord, nor toward a deeper personal acquaintance with God, but rather toward the acquisition of such knowledge as should make eloquent orators, or professional scholars ; men who should be great before their fellow men, rather than instruments wholly yielded up to God for His use.

My husband saw that there was a necessity for evan- gelistic work amongst Christians, and that to be effectual, it should be especially amongst the young men preparing for ^ the ministry. The opportunity presented was a grand one.

IN A SCHOOL OF THE PROPHETS. 71

Here were sixty-six young men associated together in the same place and the same pursuit, all looking forward to be engaged in the ministry of the Gospel, some of them intend- ing to remain with him in the school three years, some two, and none of them less than one year — yet he alone among them all possessed the great secret of the real presence of Christ within the heart, as a living Saviour from the dominion of sin. He alone knew Jesus also as a constant and faithful Keeper of that which is committed to Him.*

It did not take long to show that there were mountains of difficulty on every side, impossible of removal to any but the Lord Himself; my husband, therefore, betook himself to prayer without ceasing on this behalf. Two very distinct requests were pressed daily at the throne of mercy ; the one was for wisdom — seeing his own need of it, so to speak and act as to win his fellow-students and not excite their preju- dices ; and the other was for the interposition of God's power to remove the difficulties. But alas ! the mountains seemed to grow instead of falling down, and the necessity of wisdom from God was still more deeply apprehended from day to day. Encouraged by the promise of wisdom given in James, and the gift of wisdom to Solomon, he set himself to follow the example of Daniel, and waited on the Lord, taking no "pleasant food," for three weeks, with heart uplifted for those two things, wisdom and the power of the Holy Spirit.

FIRST FRUITS OF THE SPIRIT AT THE SEMINARY.

The three full weeks came and went without my husband seeing any distinct answer to either the one or the other of these petitions. Then he became convinced that nothing he could do would bring down the blessing so much needed. And at the end of his fasting, having come to the end of

72 HIGHER LIFE EVANGELISM

self-effort, he accepted his helplessness, and accepted God's power to work, thus entering into rest respecting the students for whom he had been burdened. This, the moment of man's extremity, proved to be God's opportunity. The Lord said to him, as He said to Daniel : " From \k\^ first day thou didst set thine heart to understand, and to chasten thy- self before thy God, thy words were heard." The following is his own record of God's teaching at this time: —

" The twenty-first day of my abstinence came on the day set apart for prayer for colleges. The dinner hour of that day was given up by a fellow student and myself to prayer instead of eating. We were bowed together in my room. As the hour drew to its close, whilst waiting before the Lord, He sweetly unfolded to me the fact, that Jesus with me, was my Wisdom, and ihdX Jesus with me, tvas fny Power. I had been seeking imparted wisd6m and power in myself, just as I had once sought sanctification in myself, but now I found embodied Wisdom and Power in Jesus. My heart was at rest; at rest in Jesus. I saw that with such a Saviour always at hand to counsel and direct me, I need never lack wisdom for any emergency into which He might bring me ; and I saw that in the hands of such a Leader and Com- mander, His cause would not suffer, nor would His followers lack any amount of power for whatever work He should give them to do. Oh, how sweet was now the rest of my heart in Jesus ! My burden was all gone ; my soul was all buoyant ; my mourning was ended, and my heart was sing- ing from morning till night, and from night till morning. Thus it was that my wonderful Teacher taught me the lesson of

"SERVICE BY FAITH.

** I had been overwhelmed with my responsibilities and desires. Now, although I still stood alone, I had turned

IN A SCHOOL OF THE PROPHETS. 73

over all my responsibilities to my great Burden-bearer, and had a heart as light as if there had been nothing to do or to desire— yea, far lighter, for it was full of delight. Thence- forth, I no more carried the burden of the Lord's work, but He carried me, burden and all, and my only burden was the burden of joy.

" And what did the Lord do as to His own work? And how was it as to wisdom for the difficulties before me ? While teaching me this lesson of rest in Him, the Lord Himself had been working, and convincing some of the students of the necessity of being fully yielded to God for the work of the ministry.

*' One of them came to our house as an enquirer, humbled and dispirited. His fellow students and the Faculty, the

seminary social circle, all knew S as the greatest worker for

the Lord among them. Once before, when in spiritual distress he had sought from a minister some help out of his difficulties, the advice he received was that he should work yet more earnestly, and in the press of work his doubts for the time disappeared.

" But when the power of God was manifest in the seminary, and he had tangible proof that a life, which he had not before known, was becoming the blessed experience of others, he was at once upon the stretch after it. He came to me with the question, * What shall I do ? *

" ' What have you been doing ? '

"'Working'

" * It is trusting, not working, by which God has ordained to save sinners.'

" 'What ! Do you say that working to save others will not deliver me from my own sins ? '

'• ' I do. Work is not the Saviour, Jesus alone can save ; works spring from faith, not faith from works.'

74 HIGHER LIFE EVANGELISM

*' ' Do you say that praying and fasting, reading the Bible, and teaching others to do so, will not, under Jesus, save my soul from the power of corruption? '

" ' I do say just that. Your own work for yourself or others can never save your soul. You are rejecting Jesus the only Saviour, and putting your own imperfect and polluted work in His stead ; not, it is true, as your merit, but as the power by which God is to save you. Jesus alone is the Saviour, and trust in Him alone is the condition upon which He saves.'

" The effect of this one moment's conversation was over- whelming to poor S . Every prop upon which he was

leaning seemed to be suddenly stricken from under him. His footing seemed in one instant to have changed from the firmness of the solid rock to the mobility of quicksand. He threw himself back in his arm-chair, clasped his hands over his face, and a convulsive shiver shook his manly frame from head to foot in every muscle. He grew pallid and horror- stricken, rolled up his eyeballs convulsively, and exclaimed hoarsely, huskily catching for breath like one in the agonies of sudden death, * I am sinking, I am sinking— into hell ! '

" I was confounded for a moment, then most affectionately

and urgently assured S that he could not sink into hell,

Jesus was with him and would save him ; but all in vain. Constrained at last to leave him to himself and the Saviour, with a subdued and saddened spirit 1 went to my own quarters, to bear the poor fellow up before the mercy

seat. Next morning I found S pale but peaceful,

stripped of all glorying and trusting in works, and resting now upon Jesus, humbled, quiet, and subdued. He lived to work on, revival after revival crowned his labours. But he will never again put his works in the place of Jesus as his Saviour from sin."

IN A SCHOOL OF THE PROPHETS. 75

MR. L 'S EXPERIENCE.

He had a prominent place in the seminary, and was very much interested in all that he heard of the deeper Hfe in Christ. He became convinced that he did not possess what

he heard Mr. S and others speak about. Mr. Boardman

put the following question to him in a very direct way : " What is your thought upon this subject ? Do you beheve that every Christian may have this experience of deliverance from all their besetting sins ?"

** I know brother S has found out some secret of which

I am ignorant. I cannot understand what it is. But I know I need deliverance from depression, which at times comes upon me Uke a nightmare, and unfits me for all my duties."

"From that, brother, you may have perfect deliverance. It is not the Lord who oppresses or depresses you, but Satan ; and if you will give over all your own care of this, and accept Jesus to deliver, He will free you entirely."

"But I tell you honestly that I fear if I were to come into this, it would make me unpopular with the Faculty, for they do not altogether approve of what is going on, es- pecially Professor A . He seems to be actually opposed,

while the others are looking on with fear lest something heterodox should grow out of it. You see I should not like to be out of joint with them."

" But, brother, it will not do to regard man more than God. You cannot come into this glorious experience with- out sacrificing your reputation. We cannot believe so long as we * receive honour one of another, and seek not the honour that cometh from God only.' "

" Yet," replied IMr. L , *' this would make one so

peculiar, so different to other Christians. It seems a separa- tion from everything and everybody one holds dear. I

76 HIGHER LIFE EVANGELISM

find it much more difficult to give up all now than I did at the time of my conversion. Then my friends prayed that I might be brought out of all my sceptical notions. I foresee now only opposition from these very friends who desired my conversion, who helped and encouraged me, and congratula- ted me upon coming into the Kingdom. I am sure I shall be branded as a fanatic if I take this stand and come out openly."

" This is so," said my husband. " The Holy Spirit has revealed to you the true position of things, and you must choose for yourself whether it shall be a hfe of ups and downs, without joy, without salvation from the power of sin ; or a life of blessed continuous victory, with the consciousness of a real personal Saviour always with you, making heaven in your soul by His divine presence."

" I see the difference ; but I fear in that case no church would receive me as a pastor. I have looked forward to a large sphere, as pastor of some influential church in the city, for which my friends think I have the talent. I shall soon be through my course here, so you see how all my future prospects would be dashed to pieces."

*' Yes, that is all true, dear brother. You have such a position opened before you, as perhaps no other student here has or can have ; but with Jesus as your Head, and enthroned in your heart, an obscure life in the far West would outshine all your bright prospects without Jesus filling the true place in your life. There is nothing worth living for if Christ does not occupy the throne of your affec- tions, as the very God of love and peace. He can put an end to all ambition. I myself had quite as much as you have, but without your opportunities of having it gratified, for I had neither your talent nor your influence among the church authorities ; but the Lord has graciously taken it from me — praise His name ! "

IN A SCHOOL OF THE PROPHETS. 77

" I have opened my heart freely to you, dear Boardman,"

replied Mr. L , *' as I never before did to anyone, and I

tell you I cannot sleep at night for thinking of all this, I feel such a pressure upon me ; but I am not yet prepared for the surrender."

They parted, but that very evening this brother found his way back to our house so burdened, that he exclaimed as soon as seated, ** Brother Boardman, I shall die if I do not have this experience ! I cannot live another hour without it ; I am willing now to make the fullest surrender of all to the Lord ; what else shall I do ? "

Now that L had come to the point of co7isecratio?i and

full surrender, it was easy to lead him on to the place of faith, and to show him that he had nothing to do but drop into the Lord's hands. He did so, and found peace and joy in believing.

EXPERIENCE OF MR. H .

Among the students there was one young man whom God had endowed with many gifts, and who had become exceedingly anxious to have the blessing he saw some of his fellow students enjoying. But there seemed to be a hindrance; something stood in his way. Although natu- rally frank and open-hearted, yet there was a reserve about him which quite puzzled my husband. Time after time he came and went away without getting one ray of light. We were greatly interested in his case, and were often in prayer for him, beseeching the Lord to bring him out into full liberty. We had not then learned, what the Lord has since taught us, that when we ask we are to believe that we receive, and we shall have. The Lord however answered

our prayer, and the secret was revealed ; Mr. H was

engaged to be married to one who was not a decided Christian, and he suffered under the thought that he must

78 HIGHER LIFE EVANGELISM

give her" up. His heart rebelled against doing this, and yet he knew that he could not lead a consecrated life if this lady should become his wife. Then again, he did not see how he could honourably relinquish the engagement, so that his bondage was not merely the silken thread, he was in real iron fetters as well. But at last he told out his heart-trial, and my husband assured him that he need have no difficulty whatever. He advised him to write to his friend, and tell her that his mind was impressed wiih the fact that God was calling him to a sphere of labour very different from that which he had marked out for himself, — that instead of seeking a rich congregation in some large town, he felt called to go either to the foreign field as a missionary, or to labour for the Master in some part of the West, where labourers were much needed. He also advised him to ask her frankly, if she thought she could give up all she would be obliged to surrender, in order to accompany him ? Thus the great difficulty was solved. Mr. H. saw that this course would be right and honourable ; his heavenly Father must be first, and it was his determin- ation to let Him have the entire control of his future life. He therefoie put the whole matter into God's hands, leaving the result with Him. This done, every hindrance dis- appeared, all was on the Altar, and he felt himself a free man. From that hour he entered into the Hberty wherewith God makes His people free, and left the house, strong in the sweet consciousness of the presence of a risen Saviour. He went to his room and wrote the letter, but just after it was posted, he received one from the young lady, saying that she had not been pleased with his last letters, and she feared he was becoming righteous over much ; that he had hinted something about a foreign field of labour which she did not quite understand. She finished her letter saying,

IN A SCHOOL OF THE PROPHETS. 79

that if he was willing to drop all further correspondence, she for her part should prefer doing so.

The Bible had for years been a very great delight to Mr.

H , but the morning after this full surrender of that

which had been nearly as dear to him as his own soul, he opened the Word with fresh delight. His eye fell on these words, " They shall be abundantly satisfied with the fatness of Thine House ; and Thou shalt make them drink of the river of Thy pleasures. For with Thee is the fountain of life; in Thy light shall we see light.'' And again in the sixty-third psalm, " My soul shall be satisfied as with marrow and fatness ; and my mouth shall praise Thee with joyful lips." He afterwards said that when he took up his Bible to find any passage, he was Hke a little boy sent on an errand who, going through a garden of flowers and fruits, stopped to pluck the fruit and pick the flowers ; his attention was so arrested by the beauties lying along his pathway, that he quite forgot what he had on his mind when he first started out.

A volume might be filled with illustrations of the work of grace wrought by God among the students of Lane Seminary, for these were but the first fruits. Several of them left, the first year of our stay there, to go forth and proclaim the truth as the Lord had taught them, knowing that He had said, '' Lo, I am with you alway," and, " Thou shalt call His name Jesus, for He shall save His people from their sins."

Our house soon became the resort of those whose hearts were opened. Very often our little room was filled with those wishing to have a private meeting, and the neighbours, who were interested, felt quite hurt that they were not invited to partake of the fatness of His House. But alas ! the lack of room was a difficulty not easily overcome, and thus the

80 HIGHER LIFE EVANGELISM.

students found it quite necessary not to let us know when they were coming, lest the room should be over filled.

No other three years of my husband's life bore the like fruit. It does not often fall to the lot of man to have such a glorious opportunity. Those were wonderful years. So far from being time lost as to actual work and present fruit- age, it may be questioned whether so much could have been accomplished in the same time, in any work anywhere in the world. Three classes of students, sixty-six in all, passed out of the Seminary into the ministry direct from the atmosphere of this remarkable work. Two other classes entered and came under its influence. All these felt the pressure, but all did not make the necessary surrender, for many refused to yield to the truth. But from year to year the work was continued. Who can tell the good thus disseminated through the church and the world ?

LIFE IN GREENFIELD. 81

CHAPTER VI.

LIFE IN GREENFIELD.

FTER finishing his three years' course of study at Lane Seminary, Mr. Boardman felt a very great desire for missionary work. The harder the field of labour, and the greater the difficulties to be overcome, the better pleased would he be, as he saw in the Lord such possi- bilities for overcoming every obstacle.

Accordingly, in the year 1846 we set out for the far West, to seek a wilderness home, where the ground had never been broken. Central Indiana was our choice, it being specially destitute of all religious privileges. On arriving at Indianapolis, Mr. Boardman made his w^ay to the house of Henry Ward Beecher, with whom he was acquainted, and ex- pressed to him his desire of having a hard mission field, where no one else was willing to labour. In his peculiarly jocose way, Mr. Beecher replied (without thinking for a moment that Mr. Boardman would really go to such a spot), "There's a place called Greenfield, about twenty miles from here, so sickly no one can stay there ; every one suffers from the miasma, as the country for twenty miles

82 LIFE IN GREENFIELD.

round is low and flat, in some places quite marshy, and even the cattle die of liver complaint ! Don't you think you had better go there ? It would be a good field for hardships to be endured, and you seem to think that important."

" But there are people living there, are there not? "

*' Yes," said Mr. Beecher, " there are very large farms there, for the land is so rich and productive that it is no trouble to cultivate it ; but then, after rich ingatherings of fruit and grain, they have no market to dispose of the produce. I should think that would be the place for you.^^ This was said with a peculiar sort of ironical smile.

*'Yes, that is just the place for me; the Lord will take care of our health." At once my husband made up his mind that Greenfield should be the sphere of his future labours, and, the Lord opening the way, we found ourselves ere long settled in a cottage, with a very wide field of labour open before us, and no one to interfere.

The arrangement made with brethren, who were interes- ted in building up the cause of Christ in this place, was, that he should have half his time to go on missions to other spiritual deserts. The roads in winter being impassable for any vehicle, the travelling from place to place was most dif^cult and could only be accomplished on horseback, by which means Mr. Boardman and I travelled in that year five hundred miles through perilous floods, and numberless impediments of mud and ice. The mail was brought strongly fastened to a beam, between two immense wheels, drawn by oxen, who slowly trod their way, often through the frozen mud.

SEED BY THE V/AYSIDE.

Many a time, when threatened with an attack of the fever of the country, and scarcely able to hold up my head,

LIFE IN GREENFIELD. 83

I have set off with my husband on one of these perilous journeys, when we have been compelled to travel quite late at night, in order to reach the place of our destination, to fulfil an engagement. Doubtless our lives were preserved by these journeys, dangerous as they seemed at the time. The exercise and change of air counteracted the effects of the deadly miasma.

I remember one night, after having ridden over thirty miles, I became so worn and exhausted as to be scarcely able to keep the saddle. It seemed impossible to go another step ; I cared not if I did drop off the horse, and was ready to lie down on the ground by the road side. My husband was desirous of reaching the town, in order to meet his engagement, and he did all he could to keep me up, by talking of such things as at another time would have greatly interested me. Then we tried changing horses, and I was put on the man's saddle, in the hope of being relieved by a change of position, but I was too far exhausted to rally. We passed several cabins but no one could take us in for tlie night ; every place was full. One after another said, " A mile or two from here there is a house where you will find accommodation." And oh, what miles ! Each one seemed like ten at least ! After being so often refused, we were thankful when a woman let us in to stay for the night. On getting off my horse I fell flat on the ground, and was taken up and carried into the house. The woman took her children out of a bed in one corner of the room, and thank- ful was I to find this place, where I threw myself down to rest for the night, with all my clothes on, too weary even to eat. I slept soundly, to awake in the morning finding my- self very worn and stiff.

She was truly a kind-hearted woman to put herself to so much inconvenience in allowing us a shelter for the night.

84 LIFE IN GREENFIELD.

I felt deeply for her soul, as I saw she had no religious privileges whatever. And when she replied to some question put to her, that she did not need a Saviour, and could not thank Him for having died for her, I felt most sad. " How could God punish the like of me," she continued, " when I would not harm a living creature } "

*' I thought at one time exactly as you do. I felt I was very good, but the Lord let me see what a terrible sinner I was in His sight, just because I did not care that Jesus had died for me."

" Well, if you were doing the best you could, how were you sinning ? " And without waiting for an answer she turned away to attend to something else, not taking in what I had said.

I felt so sad in thinking of her condition, that I could not keep back the tears. She saw my tears; her heart was touched. She turned back and said, " I hope I didn't hurt your feelings, did I ? I'm real sorry if I did."

" O that's nothing," I sobbed out, " I am sorry to be so weak, but Jesus has done so much for me. I am over- whelmed when I look back upon the time when I thought exactly as you do. If you only knew what love and beauty there is in Jesus, and what brightness He can bring into the life, if you could but have His love shed abroad in your heart, you would see how blessedly this cabin would be lighted up by His presence. Heaven would seem so glorious, you would be looking forward into its beauties. If you were converted you would see everything in respect to God so differently. All would be so changed."

" But I tell you honestly I can't believe I am a sinner. I can't think it would be right in God to do anything bad to me, when I wouldn't do a wrong thing."

" Now suppose," I continued, "some one in whom you

LIFE IN GREENFIELD, 85

had very great confidence, should come and tell you of a beautiful palace where you might go and live, and have every- thing your heart could desire ; but one thing was necessary in order to reach it. You must travel there the way the owner had marked out. It was a very easy way when once you got into it, but you saw other ways that looked to be far better, so you kept on the way you chose, — would you ever reach the palace ? "

" Don't suppose I should."

** Just so there is but one way to get to heaven, and the Owner of all has a perfect right to mark out that way. God's way is by the blood of Jesus. He says, * Without shedding of blood there is no remission of sin,' therefore, you cannot get to heaven in any other way."

*' Now that's something I could never like to hear about. It is the most unreasonable thing, to think of the blood of Jesus being necessary for salvation ; I cannot see into it."

*' No, you never will unless the Holy Spirit shows you. But will you promise to ask the Lord to show you the truth? — and believe that He will? Now give me the promise," I continued, as I saw my husband coming with the horses.

She made the promise, and said she would never rest until she knew for herself whether these things were so. I never saw her after this, but was assured that the Lord had sown seed in her heart, that would spring up and bear fruit.

It was but four miles farther on to the town where my husband was to hold meetings, and thankful were we to arrive in time for the morning gathering.

This part of the country was principally settled by Southerners whohad come up here to live, so as to avoid the terrible influences of slavery upon themselves and their

86 LIFE IN GREENFIELD,

families. They were kind and hospitable, but their wives knew scarcely anything about housekeeping. They were all great readers, keeping up intercourse with the outer world by quantities of newspapers which reached them from different parts of the country. The soil was ready for seed to be sown, and we were permitted to see some of it spring up in resurrection hfe. The places we visited seemed ready for blessing. The " household of faith " becam.e established by seeing the Hfe-giving power in Christ Jesus, and sinners were saved.

In many localities visited churches had been formed, and houses of v;orship erected. Very often one minister had the charge of two churches, where he preached alternate Sabbaths. It was customary for ministers to have several days' service before communion, which was cele- brated four times a year. Usually these days were given up to the worship of God, and all work put aside, reminding one of the feasts of the ancient people of God, when they went three times a year to Jerusalem to worship in His holy temple. We profited by these occasions to preach a full salvation, and to deal individually with many souls. Christians desirous of being saved from sinning, and of having their spiritual life invigorated, were most anxious to know how they might be made alive in Christ Jesus, and see Him in all the freshness of His beauty, as they heard described by those who understood His healing and keeping power. And many receptive ones were led on to take Jesus as their Saviour, to save and keep them in their daily walk.

FORDING A RIVER.

All through the winter months our journeyings were often attended with considerable peril as, for instance, when we had come one night to the water's edge, and gone on into

LIFE IN GREENFIELD. 87

the stream, which was easy to ford in the summer time, but was now rendered quite impassable by the rains, which had turned the shallow stream into a raging torrent. We soon found, on riding into the water, that it came up to the saddle girths, and, not being able to see the opposite shore, we re- traced our steps, and returned to a house we had passed. As we rode up, and my husband shouted to the inmates, a woman opened the door, and stood there with a child on each side of her ; we could see her distinctly, while the darkness, hid us from her. It was impossible, she replied, to accommodate any one ; her husband was away, and she could not think of admitting strangers, being quite alone with her little children. I exclaimed, " You will be obliged to let me come in, for I cannot hold up my head another minute ; and I can sleep on the floor."

"Oh!" she exclaimed, "You have a woman there; I thought it was only men. Come in by all means, and I'll make you as comfortable as I can."

We entered, and found her very kind ; a bed was provided for us in an unfinished room, and in the morning, although feeling very stiff, I managed to get on my horse, and again ride down to the ford. Crossing the stream was no trifling aftair, the neighbours turning out to assist. Our horses were tied together, and the largest horse that could be found was mounted by one of the com- pany, who led the others through, while a boat took us across with our saddles and luggage. It was clear to all that, had we persisted in trying to cross the previous night, we must have lost our lives owing to the force of the cur- rent. Thus mercifully preserved, and safely over the perils of the way, we soon reached the town, and in less than an hour found many thankful to God for bringing us in safely

to them.

5

88 LIFE IN GREENFIEID.

We had been expected the evening before ; but the people had a profitable time in seeking the blessing of the Lord on our meetings. The days spent here were most precious in fruitage. Ministers from the adjacent towns had come for the very purpose of receiving something from the Lord, and many were led out of the bondage of sin to find perfect satisfaction in Jesus, as a full and complete Deliverer.

A MINISTER LED INTO THE LIGHT.

In one of the Western towns, w^hich had grown up very rapidly to be a large place, the Lord worked gloriously.

Mr. T , the minister of quite a large Presbyterian

church, was a slave to the use of tobacco. He had been greatly interested in reading accounts of the conversion and sanctification of some of those who lived in the days of Wesley; and hearing that my husband taught that one could be saved from besetting siris, he sent for us to come and hold meetings for a few days in his church. He had great influence among his people, as he was very kind. He had also a keen sense of humour, and was full of fun. We had not been long in his house before he frankly confessed that he was very dependent upon his pipe, and yet he knew that in this he was not setting a bright example to the flock, over whom the Lord had placed him. He said he had tried, per- haps hundreds of times, to get rid of the habit, but after spending several days each time in torment to himself, as well as to those around him, he had returned to the use of it, and was quite irritated if any one spc)ke to him concerning this indulgence. "And I have finally given up trying to do anything more with myself; I feel as helpless as an infant. Can you prescribe for me, Brother Boardman?"

" O yes, for you have come to the position where the Lord will meet you. It is when a man has given up all

LIFE IN- GREENFIELD. 89

hope in himself that the Lord meets him, and undertakes all for him. Let Jesus have the whole care of this habit, and He will take away every particle of desire for it, and you will go free. But you must trust Him fully."

** But you do not mean to say that I shall not desire it? Why I should be like one who had been imprisoned for eighteen years, who was suddenly taken out into liberty ! Why I should not know what to do with myself! I am happy at the very thought of it."

" Make up your mind," answered Mr. Boardman, " that it shall be victory or death ; that you will have done with it for ever; put it over into the hands of the Lord, and venture fully upon Him for this, as you did for salvation in the first place."

" It's done," replied Mr. S , as he went to a cupboard

by the side of the fire place, and took out all his pipes, cigars and tobacco, and threw them into the fire. *' I never have had such clearing out work as this before, but I see it is necessary to be thorough. Now I have done my part, the Lord must do the rest, and He will ; of course He will save me out and out, He must want to do it." He burst forth in a song of praise, for he was very fond of singing, and was a capital leader in the meetings which he after- wards attended.

He never wearied of telling how Jesus had saved him from this appetite, as well as from anxiety and irritability which had been his besetting sins ; and he said in one of the meetings, which he attended some weeks after he had come into the light, " I have seen more of the work of the Holy Spirit amongst my people in these last weeks, than I have in all the ten years of my ministry. I do not speak of con- versions, the Lord has given me souls all along, but He has wonderfully moved the church to seek for spirituality, and

90 LIFE IN GREENFIELD.

our prayer meetings are quite another thing. He has sent such life into our hearts, such hope for something different from this hfe for self, which characterises those children of God who are not saved from sin."

This brother's influence was felt far and near, for he was an out and out mar, and very independent. He was a great help in these Higher-life meetings, which he would travel miles to attend.

The days passed quickly, notwithstanding the hardships w^e met with ; and indeed, they were very real sometimes ; especially when we came to a stream, and found that thin ice had formed since the last vehicle had passed through. The horses were taught to push away the ice, but sometimes they did not understand, and would try to leap upon it, and thus endanger the life of the riders. It was with terror that 1 saw my husband's horse leap up in this way, as he rode before me into a stream, to make a passage for me to follow. Seeing how fractious his horse was, I turned mine back, and was soon on the shore we had left, where I could watch my husband's movements, with my heart in terrible commotion.

Oh, what a relief when he gave up trying, and returned to take my horse, who knew his work, and would push his breast against the ice and so part it. I followed, on the other timid animal, keeping close behind, and we arrived in safety on the other side.

Yes, there were perils by water, perils by mud, and perils by cold, for at one time my nose and forehead were frozen, so that I had to put my face into cold water to draw out the frost before going near the fire.

The spring came, bursting forth in all its resurrection life of beauty, but we found that the year's work had told upon us; fever and ague set in, and neither of us could rally.

LIFE IN GREENFIELD. 91

The thought of leaving Greenfield was forced upon my husband, who concluded we could not encounter another winter there. In fact, when the hot weather set in, we were quite unable to do anything.

It did not take long for Mr. Boardman to decide the next step, as the doctor had said we must go East. Before he left Lane Seminary he had thought of attending a six months' course of lectures at Yale, in New Haven, Conn., which was the oldest theological college in the United States, ,but he so strongly felt the call to labour in the Home Mission work that he put this thought aside for the time. Now that he must go East, he felt the time had come for him to carry out this desire, and attend the lectures of Professor Taylor. He also thought that the Lord would open to him just the same work He had permitted him to do at Lane Seminary ; and rejoiced in the prospect of working among the theological students at Yale, as he had done there.

With this prospect before him we bid farewell to the people, and took a last look at the neat little church which my husband had been enabled to complete for the worship of God here, and turned our faces eastward to enter upon a very different life amongst an entirely different class of people.

LIFE AT OLD YALE.

Although happy in doing what we knew was the will of the Lord for us at this time, it was with feelings of regret that we yielded to the necessity for leaving the vast West, and especially our field of labour at Greenfield and the country round, and go where there was such an abundance of labourers. Still there were but few who could tell the people of God how to be saved from sin ; very few who understood what was the power of an indwelling personal

92 LIFE IN GREENFIELD.

Saviour. And this we felt was the work God called us to do wherever we should be placed. The Lord had saved souls and established His own people in Greenfield and other places. In Centreville, a village not far from Green- field, a church had been formed which was supplied by the occasional visits of ministers. In the county in which we lived twenty Sunday schools had been formed, and a blessed work was going on in each place. Each school was supplied with a small library of books given by some large City • Sunday School, as they sent their old books out to destitute places whenever they renewed their libraries.

It was not long after we had fairly decided to leave, before we turned our faces eastward, on our way to this old, famous seat of learning. After travelling some days and nights, we were soon settled into our resting place in the city of New Haven, which seemed to us exceedingly beautiful, the more so, probably, from its contrast to the rough, western country where we had been living.

Here was rest, O so sweet to us both, after the hard work in the Home Missionary field ; nor were we afraid to accept this quiet time, since we were both very much worn down.

Very delightful service opened at once to my husband, he being invited to occupy such country pulpits in the neighbourhood as were vacant for the time being ; and almost every Sabbath he was called to take the place of one or another absent pastor. He became greatly invigo- rated in health, and no doubt the change was, under God, the means of prolonging his life. But we found no such general interest in the subject of the Higher Life as we had seen while at Lane Seminary. The Lord seldom meets our expectations by repeating the same thing, or letting us pass through the same order of events. To be

LIFE IN GREENFIELD. 93

sure, there were individuals led into this deeper life, but the mass of Christians were quite satisfied to go on in the usual way, and live in the seventh of Romans, instead of stepping on into the eighth. In fact it was thought by most, if not all, of the orthodox Church to be presump- tuous, and lacking in humility, for any one to speak wiih assurance of salvation ! The children of God never ven- tured to express more than a " hope," this was the term used to express their standing in Christ : they *' hoped they were saved," and it was with extreme caution that the oldest and most devoted children of God, whose lives were the most consistent, dared to express even that hope. We were regarded as both extravagant and very presumptuous to declare so boldly that we knew we had " passed from death unto life."

THE AWAKENING.

Not many miles from New Haven was a church, where a work of grace had been going on, and the minister, being desirous of knowing more about this teaching of the assur- ance of salvation, and having in his household one who had formerly known us, asked us to come over on a visit. My husband could not leave at the time, so he persuaded me to go without him, with the promise of joining me in a few days, if I found there was sufficient interest to warrant his leaving home.

I went there, and found a delightful New England home. The pastor and his wife were most cordial and kind in their reception of me. Having heard of our extraordinary views through this mutual friend, they at once questioned me as to the propriety of my being sure about the salvation of my soul. How did it accord with humility to say that I knew all about it ? Was it not one of the greatest signs of humility to doubt ? And was not the Bible very strong on this point

94 LIFE IN GREENFIELD.

of being humble ? My answer was, that I could no more help believing I was born again than I could help believing that I was born into this world, and that I had never tried to doubt it since I found God's Word taught us so plainly that unbelief was the greatest sin we could possibly commit. Since the Lord had revealed that what He wanted was our ti'ust and full confidence, that we should believe Him ready to fulfil all that He had promised, I could see no reason for doubting.

It was very blessed to see how the Lord led this pastor and his precious wife to understand their privilege, and accept full and free pardon for all past offences, and salvation from the guilt and consequences of sin. It was indeed a glorious lighting up in their dwelling, nor did the work stop there, for the pastor began at once to tell his people how they too might know that they were born again, and have the greatest assurance of their salvation. His preaching made a great stir in the church ; some of the leading members and oldest friends of the pastor became so alarmed that they actually left the church, saying they dare not listen to such false teaching, for there was no telling to what other errors it might lead. They felt sure some dreadful extravagances would be seen, and that the quiet, humble church members would become puffed up with wonderful notions of their own goodness. But all this uproar and opposition did not move the pastor one whit, for nothing could take from him the blessed peace he had come into, through being fully assured of his safety in Christ. He had the witness in himself, and dared to rejoice that his " name was written in the Lamb's book of Life."

And not only did he see his privilege of believing God's Word that he had passed from death unto hfe, but he was quite ready to step on into the " life more abundant."

LIFE IN GREENFIELD. 95

Shortly after my visit, my husband was invited to go for a few days and hold a series of meetings ; and the Lord so poured out His Holy Spirit that not a few knew that they were saved, and many also came to see Jesus as their Saviour from sin, and to rejoice in the liberty wherewith Christ makes His people free ; and each one who came out told the story to others.

Again there came a division in the Church : but it was not disbanded nor did it fall to pieces, for the Lord added so many more members that it grew far beyond its former size, and was never so much alive, and never exerted such an influence before.

Many were filled with joy, and those who stood coldly aside were obliged to acknowledge that something very delightful had happened to some of their dearest friends, and if they could believe it was really orthodox they would not stand aloof. Orthodoxy was the greatest hindrance to these dear souls, it w^as a sort of God among them, and all teaching must be based upon what was considered " ortho- dox." This sentiment had gained power through a division that had arisen in the Congregational Church. Unitarian views had insidiously crept in, and a separation had taken place, the Congregational Church being called *'The Ortho- dox Church," in contradistinction to the Unitarian, which had gone out from it. And it was not to be wondered at that those who were true to Jesus should fear any innovation, since nearly half their people had been swept away by this great error.

96 ORGANIZING SUNDAY SCHOOLS.

CHAPTER VII.

ORGANIZING SUNDAY SCHOOLS — A HIGHER CHRISTIAN LIFE.

HILE living in Newhaven an offer was made by the Sunday School Union to Mr. Board- man to engage in the work of supplying the great West with Mission Sunday Schools. It was very definitely laid before the Lord, and my husband was fully satisfied that it was a call from Him, as he saw in this field of labour a very great and important work open out before him. He had already seen the pressing need of very direct efforts for the establishment of Sunday Schools amongst the thinly scattered population, where not even the itinerant minister had found his way, and where the people had no means of grace of any kind. Having duly considered the matter, he entered this open door, and began at once to move in this direction.

In the year 1852 we returned to Michigan, which in that day was in great need of this very work. We pitched our tent in Detroit, our old home. It was a trial to leave the more direct work of teaching God's people the glorious truth of

A HIGHER CHRISTIAN LIFE. 97

salvation from sin, leading them to see the blessing, which is the privilege of all God's people. But afterwards, when we saw how much was done by laying the foundation of that which we knew would prove a blessing to thousands, we were convinced that God had indeed called us to this.

The work was quite small in its beginning. The first summer my husband spent in searching the country around us. Wherever there was a saw or grit mill attracting settlers, there he saw an opening. There w^as sure to be some man or woman in the neighbourhood who would begin by calling together both old and young, reading and giving them a Bible lesson, in which they would become interested. This would be the commencement of a Sunday School.

In one instance, Mr. Boardman came across a widow liv- ing on a farm which her husband had left her. This good woman was longing to have service of some kind for the Master. There was no preaching within seven miles of her farm. She hailed with delight the visit of a servant of God, and at once fell in with my husband's suggestion of having a Sunday School in her house. After prayer and consulta- tion he left with her a small library of books. The next day she started forth with horse and buggy to let the people know of it, and when Sunday came she had ten scholars of diiferent ages, from five to sixteen years old. A few months later on my husband called at her home to see how she was getting on, and was greatly pleased to find she had a room full of happy young people, some of whom had walked four and even five miles, often coming through the rain. They were very glad to use the Sunday School library, as books were not so abundant in that day as at the present time.

Schools commenced in this quiet way usually led on to something more important as the country became more

98 ORGANIZING SUNDAY SCHOOLS.

settled. The number attending them increased with the in- crease of the population, and then they would be obliged to adjourn to the district school-house, where the itinerant minister would hold an occasional service. Thus was laid the foundation of many a church.

The work grew in interest as various districts were aroused by the introduction of this new element. Lads of all sizes would be gathered in, and sometimes the older ones became unruly. I remember going at the request of a farmer's wife to commence a Sunday School in the district school-house quite near her dwelling. We found on entering the school- room that every seat was occupied. The boys and girls who were in the habit of attending this school during the week had come in full force. The seats rose one above another, and on the highest were six full-grown lads who were evidently intent on mischief. We felt rather appalled to see this array of young men, but found that we must proceed and ignore their presence. However, they began groaning at what was said, and laughing during the prayer. We concluded we must give up all hope of doing anything here in this school-house, and told the children that since these lads had come on purpose to break up the school, we would give up the place to them altogether, and adjourn to

the house of Mrs. D , who would open her own kitchen,

which was a large room, and then admit only those who wished to attend. Upon hearing this, the leader of the band took his hat and went quickly out, the rest following as rapidly as they could, thus leaving us in quiet possession of the place. We went on, and had a very interesting hour with those who remained. Twenty-five names were taken down, and each one had a book to take home to keep for two weeks if they wished. This school was supplied with Sunday School books, and was most successfully carried on.

A HIGHER CHRISTIAN LIFE. 99

The way my husband began the work was most laborious. Often he would go on foot through some forest to reach an out-of-the-way settlement, when the roads were scarcely yet passable, to farms but newly commenced, to tell them the glad tidings of salvation, and get them started in forming a Sunday School. Usually, however, he went on horseback, and carried a bag of Sunday School books with him, which was always a very great attraction to the grown-up people as well as the children. By thus work- ing indefatigably a good beginning was made, and all thoughout Michigan Sunday Schools were formed, which were a power for good in every neighbourhood wherever they were established.

The second summer Colporteurs, called Sunday School Missionaries, were employed in this State.

ENLARGEMENT IN THE WORK.

The second winter gave birth to a movement which has been improved upon and enlarged until its power for good is felt throughout the Christian world.

The idea occurred to my husband of a Sunday School Convention, in which the teachers should be taught to teach, and the officers should learn the best methods of conducting Sunday Schools and managing libraries, as well as how to use the great power of song in the choice of appropriate hymns and tunes. He suggested it to Dr. Samuel H. Hall, then a pastor in Marshall, Michigan, and to Mr. Hovey K. Clarke, the superintendent of his Sunday School, and asked w^hat they thought of it. They both replied, " Capital 1 Come here and try it." A programme was made out for a two days' convention, a call issued, and promptly responded to. The interest aroused by it was so great that invitations came from county after county saying,

100 ORGANIZING SUNDAY SCHOOLS.

" Give us also a convention." These calls were met, and so the winter was filled up with county Sunday School Con- ventions, bringing immense blessing to the churches as well as the schools, and the movement culminated in a grand State Sunday School Convention the following year. Thus began, as is believed, the Sunday School Convention system, which has now spread so widely and been so greatly improved upon.

The beginning of the third summer in this work of Sunday School organization, my husband was called to Philadelphia by the American Sunday School Union to take in hand what was known as their *' Students' Mission Service." This was the employment of theological students, during their summer vacation, in opening Sunday Schools in neglected districts, and visiting those already in existence ; supplying alike the old and the new schools with Sunday School papers and libraries. This work grew in his hands. The number of students employed was increased from about thirty, to three hundred and seventy-six, the third year.

Amongst the number were T. De Witt Talmage, Edward Payson Hammond, and many others whose names are now widely known in the Christian world. More than five thousand Sunday Schools were organized during the three years of this service, and as many more were supplied with workers.

The following is a letter recently received from Mr. Hammond : —

*' Dear Mrs. Boardman,

" It gives me pleasure to write a few words in remembrance of your dear husband.

" I first met him in Philadelphia, where he was Secretary of the American Sunday School Union. That important position he filled with very great acceptance. During my

A HIGHER CHRISTIAN LIFE. 101

vacation in Williams' College, he sent me out to plant Sun- day Schools beyond the Alleghany Mountains. He was at that time a man one could not forget. He had the same earnest spirit then as in later years. I learned to love him then, and have never ceased to do so.

" During all these years I have read with pleasure the numerous productions of his pen. In all parts of the world I am sure there are thousands who have been benefited by them. I once asked Rev. William Reid, the author of the ' Blood of Jesus,' a work that has been much blessed of God, what book had most influenced him. He pointed to a well-worn copy of the ' Higher Christian Life,' and said, * Except the Bible, that book has inspired me to seek for higher attainments in the divine life more than any other I have ever read.' Many others, I have no doubt, have had a similar experience.

" I pray that the influence of his life of faith may stimu- late others to a firmer trust in the promises of God's Word, and to the efficacy of the prayer of faith in Jesus' name.

" May the Lord comfort and sustain you in your great bereavement.

" Yours, in Him,

"E. P. Hammond."

After the third year, through the financial embarrassment of the Sunday School Union, it became necessary to curtail this service. My husband would willingly have enlarged this blessed work, but he could not consent to any material diminution, with so wide a field open before him. And in fact the work could only go on through enlargement. He therefore found it impossible, under these circumstances, to retain his- position. He resigned his secretaryship, and retired from the service of the Sunday School Union.

102 ORGANIZING SUNDAY SCHOOLS.

GLOUCESTER CITY.

Why this place had " City " added to its name was never ascertained by us, excepting it may have been to distinguish it from a place of the same name in Massachusetts. It was anything but a city, either in size or appearance. It was situated on the flat shores of the Delaware river, opposite to Philadelphia, and was not only unattractive, but decidedly unhealthy.

One of Mr. Boardman's life-long principles was to seek those fields of labour which offered no great attraction, so as to induce others to wish for them. Once more at liberty, he cast about for a place where there was plenty of work, without such financial support as would make it desirable to any competent minister. This he found in Gloucester City.

Here stood a large, vacant house of worship, surrounded by a populous community, mostly workpeople in the cotton mills, print works, or china potteries. The congregation was very small, and the material support still smaller. There were scarcely any Christian workers, everybody seem- ed to be asleep, and yet here was all this mass of people to be reached. It was an undertaking to labour among them, for it was quite certain the people could not be reached from the pulpit, since the greater part of them never went into any place of worship at any time; the best way to interest them seemed to be that of forming classes, and so getting at them personally. So there was much visiting from house to house. And although there was no general interest awakened here, yet the Lord blessed these efforts, and souls were saved, as we found from letters received after we had left them. Several young men of Gloucester City lost their lives on the battle-field during the war with the South, and letters received from them, written by some kindly hand,

A HIGHER CHRISTIAN LIFE. 103

were sent on to tell us how happy they were in view of death, and how thankful they were to know their sins were forgiven, and that they were ready to go.

During those years in which we were engaged in the Sunday School work, there was a great pressure laid upon my heart to have a book written upon the subject of full salvation. I longed for the people of God more generally to know that there was this blessed and glorious definite experience for all who were willing to lead a life of separa- tion from the world, and be united to Christ. And very often I urged my husband to write such a book. I tried to write one myself, and spent much time, thought, and prayer over the manuscript. But when I asked some friends who were publishers what they thought of it, they said if I would first write some stories for Sunday School libraries, I might learn to write such a very religious book as I had set my mind on. So I tried my hand at this, and succeeded in getting the first one accepted for publication by the Sunday School Union.

O how perfectly delighted I was with this, my first book. I do not know whether any other living mortal was pleased with it, but I know one who was. But this did not teach me how to write the book I wanted, so I went back to work on the old manuscript, all the while urging my husband to write himself, for I felt assured we were not spreading the know- ledge God had given us of the Lord Jesus Christ as a Saviour from sin, as much as we might do for His Glory. I wrote enough to fill a large volume, and now I begged my husband to take the manuscript, correct, and have it published. Finally he was persuaded to leave his work, take the steamer to Boston and spend his time on the water in going over it before taking it to a friend, a publisher of religious works. When, however, my husband began to examine the

lOi ORGANIZING SUNDAY SCHOOLS.

book, he saw that the form, being that of an essay, would certainly hinder its being read, and cause it to fall flat. It was then that the Lord flashed into his mind with perfect clearness the plan of a book which should set forth the truth in clear, simple, direct statements, illustrated by examples, as he afterwards worked it out.

After a short visit in Boston he returned home and set to work on

THE HIGHER CHRISTIAN LIFE,

carrying out the conception of it which God had given him while on board the steamer. In three months, without any neglect of either pulpit or people, he had completed it, and was again on his way to Boston with his own manuscript, to be published by the same friend.

He remained in Boston until the first five hundred copies came from the binder's hands, and were sold as soon as received. The sale was rapid beyond all precedent in the class of solid Christian literature. It was impossible for many weeks to supply the demand. People thronged, and even waited outside the store in order to obtain the book, and while it was thus called for in America, it found its way across the great Atlantic, and was taken up in London by several publishers, who gave it wings in England and other countries.

Miss Marsh, author of "English Hearts and English Hands," and of many other valuable books, published it through Nisbet & Co. Her father's likeness formed the frontispiece, and she wrote a most kind and appreciative letter to the author, saying it was the first book she had ever seen that she felt was worthy of having the likeness of that precious, dear, old saint of God, the Rev. Dr. Marsh. She also said that as other editions had been issued in cheaper form than hers, she did not know whether any market could be found for this more expensive edition, except among her

A HIGHER CHRISTIAN LIFE. 105

special friends. But the sale reached its thousands, so that she sent my husband a royalty, such as she herself received from the American publishers of her own books.

It was also published by Strachan & Co. in a very cheap form, and had a very large sale, and one publisher states that more than sixty thousand copies had been sent out from his house alone twelve years ago.

To the praise of our Lord be it said, that blessing has attended the reading of this book in all parts of the world. Letters and testimonials have been received from distant islands of the sea, and from most, if not all, countries whither the missionary has gone forth to proclaim the gospel. Even since my husband's departure to glory, it would be difficult to tell how many letters I have received, testifying to the blessing that has come through the reading of this book. Yes, God has owned and blessed it to thousands, and for over twenty years it has been doing its blessed work in the hearts of God's people, and bringing home to millions the gladdening truth of the keeping power of the Lord Jesus Christ. It was with the greatest satisfaction that I committed my own manuscript to the flames. That for which I had prayed and laboured was now accomplished in God's own best way.

106

LIFE IN CALIFORNIA.

CHAPTER VIII,

LIFE IN CALIFORNIA.

T was blessed to see how the dear Lord shielded Mr. Boardman from the tide of opposition that followed the publication of the "Higher Christian Life," by sending him to California, quite apart from the strife of tongues. Here we were quietly settled down so far away, that not a line could reach us in less than three weeks. There was no railway across the plains at that time, and no telegraph wires to herald any news. As soon, however, as letters could reach us, we had many from various quarters, urging my husband to take up the cudgels in self-defence, and to let the public know what was true and what was not. Friends wrote beseeching me to exert my influence and induce him to answer the many attacks made upon the book. But no, not a word did he ever give to the public in defence of anything he had written. He said, "The Lord has given the book, and He can take care of His own truth."

It had become necessary for us to remove from Gloucester City, as my health had thoroughly broken down. The

LIFE IN CALIFORNIA. 107

damp air had told upon my throat and lungs, so that on consulting a physician, we were told that we must leave at once, that the only hope for me was to live in a dry atmosphere, where I could be much in the open air ; and California was recommended.

I was not pleased with this, and tried to persuade the physician that a southern climate, near at hand, would answer as well. But he persisted in saying that it must be California, so that my husband thought it was the voice of the Lord telling us to go there.

" It is such a distance off from every one we know, I do not like the thought of it," I said to my husband, who replied very gravely, " If it is the voice of God, He will make it all very plain, and we shall be perfectly satisfied to do His will."

" But I do not see how we can possibly leave this place. Just see all these mill girls that come to our house each week, how the Lord is blessing them. Then this class of poor boys, brought out of the very depths of sin — and they are so interested in their meeting, and so many are being con- verted. Then you know there are the poor women who are being led on, what will become of them? There is no one to take up this work. And who is there to take your place ? What minister would be induced to come here ? The people will be left without a pastor, I am sure of that."

" But if the Lord sends us away He must provide," replied my husband. " The responsibility rests with Him, not with us. And your voice is almost gone, so that you cannot continue the work you have been doing. Your classes must suffer for want of a teacher, even if you remain here, which cannot be thought of, as there is a necessity for going somewhere, and that very soon."

108 LIFE IN CALIFORNIA.

The prospect of being put aside from all service for the Lord did not suit me. I had to learn the lesson anew with which 1 began this life of trust. The Lord taught me then that He was with me just as really in my kitchen, as when I was labouring directly for Him. He led me to be very quiet, and to enjoy fellowship and communion with Himself, and to be perfectly satisfied with whatever He did. But now I saw that I felt myself to be indispensable to the Lord's work, and had become quite absorbed in service for Him, thus rather losing sight of that, which to Him is of the greatest importance — an appreciation of Himself personally.

Many who opposed the teaching of the " Higher Life" said that people who came to trust fully in Jesus were lulled to sleep, and became inactive, resting only on their own spiritual enjoyment. And in order to prove how untrue was such an accusation in my own case, I had yielded to my natural energy and overtaxed my strength. And this did not please the Lord.

The blessing of the Lord was manifested in the conver- sion of many souls. And I was so much absorbed in the work, that I failed to hear the voice of the Lord in this matter of going to California. But most important and never-to-be-forgotten lessons were these that the dear Lord was now teaching me. I saw how hurt my husband would be if I sought more to work for him, than to be with him when I could enjoy his society. Just so I was taught that the Lord wanted me for Himself. He desired more of my heart and affections, for He alone could see how my heart was drawn away, even while I was very hard at work for Him. I delighted in what I was doing for Him more than in fellowship with Him. And now the time had come when all direct service was to cease, and this was the most difficult of all lessons to learn. But the Lord was very patient, and

LIFE IN CALIFORNIA. 109

waited until I was ready to hear what He had to say. And I learned that instead of so much serving, He wished me to take the bride's place, so united to Him as the Bridegroom of my soul, that it should no longer be " I," but " us " and " we." " Let us go forth into the fields, let ms lodge in the villages, let us see if the vine flourish " (Cant. vii. ii, 12). O how blessed it is when we see the privilege of being the bride, and really become one with the Lord in all the desires and purposes of life, so that we take the position of being seated together with Him in the heavenlies ! Living there we are taken up first with Himself, and then trust Him to give us such service as He hkes.

One who was a great worker for the Lord, who in fact kept herself worn out with service, sought a deeper experience, a fuller union with the Lord, that she might be able to do much more for His glory, that is, win more souls to Christ. She obtained what she sought, and was overwhelmed with a sense of the presence of Jesus. She saw Him in nearer, fuller relation to herself than ever before, and came into perfect rest in Him, trusting Him to save and keep her from yielding to sin ; and was kept. But what was her astonishment when she found herself laid aside from all work. There came over her such a prostration, such a lack of strength, that she was obliged to seek a very quiet place, that she might have complete rest.

At first she grieved the blessed Holy Spirit by pining for work, but after a while she learned that the Lord was teach- ing her a new lesson. She must not prize service above rest of spirit and communion with Him, and must be perfectly satisfied with Himself, even if He should never give her a particle of service. This she learned most thoroughly before she was allowed to return to her classes, and she did praise the Lord for so patiently teaching her, leading her beside the still waters, as well as through the green pastures.

110 LIFE IN CALIFORNIA,

Since it had become necessary for us to leave Gloucester City, we soon broke up our connection with the people, and started for that far off region of gold.

It was in the year 1859 that we took steamer, and went down the Atlantic ocean. Passing into the Carribbean Sea, we landed at Aspinwall, a place on the Isthmus of Darien, settled by Spaniards. The night spent at the hotel here left us most lively reminiscences ; no one could sleep amid the jargon of tongues, the various musical instruments that sounded shrilly through the air, the bark- ing and howling of dogs, and other unmelodious sounds. This was the one day and night of the week when the arrival of the steamer produced the effect of waking up, not only the men, women, and children, but the dogs, cats, and roosters as well. When the steamer left, all