What do you mean 'miss'?
Sorry, I have a cold. I wish to reigster a complaint!
We're closing for lunch!
Never mind all that! I would like to complain about this here roleplaying game what I purchased less than half an hour ago from this very boutique.
Ah yes, uh, Vampire, the Masquerade. What's...what's wrong with it?
I'll tell you what's wrong with it, sonny. It's dead. That's what's wrong with it.
Nah, it's not dead, uh, it's just goffic.
Look matee, I know a dead RPG when I see one and I'm looking at one right now.
No, no it's not dead, it's goffic. Remarkable game, Vampire, beautiful artwork, eh?
The artwork don't enter into it! It's stone dead!
Nonononono, no, no it's goffic.
I see. Well, if its gothic I'll put on some Cradle of Filth then. COME ON MR VAMPIRE! I'VE GOT SOME MASCARA AND AN ANKH FOR YOU!
See! It moved!
That was you writing "Clan: Angsty" on the cover of an Exalted book.
I never!
Yes you did!
No!
HELLO MR VAMPIRE! HAVE YOU GOT ANOTHER SUPPLEMENT COMING OUT???
(the game line does nothing but cycle into the Time of Judgement, then vanish up its own posterior)
Now that's what I call a dead game.
No, no, it's in transition.
TRANSITION?
Yeah, when it appeared to die then, it just went into a sleep, and will soon be reborn. Vampires are known to go into cycles of death and rebirth.
Now listen, sonny. I've had about enough of this. When I purchased this game not half an hour ago, you assured me that the lack of sourcebooks was due to the game designers feeling "really depressed this week, so they couldn't get their act together".
Well, no, see, it's ah, uh, probably reinventing the genre.
REINVENTING THE GENRE? REINVENTING THE GENRE? WHAT KIND OF TALK IS THAT? Listen, why did it kill my gaming group as soon as I got it home?
Oh, Vampire prefers dead gaming groups. Very goffic. Lovely game, beautiful artwork.
I took the liberty of researching this game when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason it was still being talked about was because of Internet Hype.
Oh..oh, oh, of course, yeah. I mean, if there wasn't Internet Hype, then this game, this game wouldn't be geeky any more. It would have taken off like Trivial Pursuit! Voom!
VOOM? Mate, this game wouldn't voom if you made a TV series out of it. It's bleedin' demised!
No, no, it's reinventing!
It's not reinventing, it's dead. It has ceased to be. The line has been cancelled. The distributors are no longer filling orders. The website has closed down. It has hit minus ten hit points. It failed its Saving Throw. It rolled a critical fumble! It ran into a dragon while on first level! It encountered a deck of many things! IT DATED THE GMs EX-GIRLFRIEND! If it wasn't propped up by internet hype it would be the next Synnibar! It's run down the curtain and joined the GAMA HALL OF FAME! THIS IS AN EX-RPG!
I suppose I'd better replace it then. (pause) Ah, sorry, we're fresh out of Vampire.
