Four gamers sit around a table, empty bottles of Mountain Dew littering the table and floor. They're all looking maudlin.

Gamer #1: Ahh.. Very passable, this, very passable.

Gamer #2: Nothing like a good 64-ounce chug of the Dew, ay Gessiah?

Gamer #3: You're right there Obediah.

Gamer #4: Who'd a thought thirty years ago we'd all be sittin' here drinking Dew and playing the THIRD and a HALF edition of D&D?

G #1: Aye. In them days, we'd a' been glad to have the price of a Deities & Demigods.

G #2: A Deities & Demigods with the CTHULHU MYTHOS.

G #3: Without OGL stat blocks.

G #4: OR deities!

G #1: From a used book shop and a coffee stain on the illo of Hecate.

G #3: We never used to have Attacks of Opportunity. We used to have to wait 'til our bleedin' turn to whack an orc.

G #2: The best we magic-users could manage was get off a Sleep spell before we got shivved.

G #3: But you know, we were happy in those days, though we were only 1st Edition.

G #1: Aye. BECAUSE we only had 1st Edition. My old Dad used to say to me, "Unearthed Arcana can't give you happiness."

G #4: 'E was right. I was happier then and I had NOTHIN'. We used to have miniatures made of bloody LEAD with the features of melted garden gnomes and flash all hangin' off the sides.

G #3: Minis? You were lucky to have MINIS! We used to have to stick little pieces of notebook paper under dice with the word 'My Ranger' writ on it with the crayon that came with the boxed set.

G #4: You were lucky to have DICE! We used to have to use indecipherable Chinese coins made of aluminum and probability tables as long as your arm to figure our next move.

G #1: Ohhhh we used to DREAM of having PROBABILITY! Woulda' been a luxury to us. We used to lick Green Stamps and stick them to the cat and wait for it to scratch them off to get our combat results!

G #4: Well when I say "MINIS" it was only a red die from the RISK set in the closet with a corner chipped off to denote facing, but it was a mini to US.

G #2: We had our chipped RISK dice taken away from us. We had to use Candyland cards!

G #3: You were lucky to haveCandyland! There were 10 of us trying to play out a round of combat with a cowpie throwing contest.

G #4: Cowpies?

G #3: Aye.

G #1: You were lucky. We played for three months in a brown paper bag in a septic tank. We used to have to get to the game at six o'clock in the morning, clean the bag, eat a pizza crust, go play two rounds of combat in fourteen hours in the same dungeon, week in-week out. When we got done, our Dad would burn all our books and call us Satanists!

G #2: Luxury. We used to have to get out the Candyland cards at three o'clock in the morning, clean the filth off the cards, eat a handful of Andy Capp Hot Fries, play out a round of combat every two months, forget where we lived, and Dad would come and strap us to a wooden stake and burn us for heretics, if we were LUCKY!

G #1: But you try and tell the young people today that ... and they won't believe ya'.

ALL: Nope, nope ...