Leomund's Love Hut


copyright 1998 by Richard Aronson

5th level. Casting time: one turn. Duration: 3 hours + one hour/level of caster. VSM; material component one feather and a drop of perfume. Conjuration/summoning and illusion.

Leomund's Love Hut provides a controlled environment for one of the best night's sleeps you will ever have, if indeed you sleep much. It creates a hut of fifteen foot diameter, ten feet tall, with three large windows and a door. The door has a wizard's lock upon it; the windows, at caster's request, can range from fully opaque (the equivalent of walls) to fully clear, and the caster is +4 charisma in the hut. The interior of the hut can be in one of four modes, and at caster's request can change modes for a cost of one hour of spell duration. In all modes interior lighting ranges from totally dark to gentle reddish light good enough for reading. In all modes a discreet portion of the hut contains a curtained off toilet and sink with a silence spell to avoid undue embarassment. In all modes, caster can control the temperature from thirty degrees below the ambient to sixty degrees above, the preferred temperatures being slightly too warm for the caster's companion's amount of clothing, or slightly too cool for the caster's companion to remain unwarmed by caster. All items within the hut (i.e. food, clothing) and generated by the hut disappear when the spell's duration is reached, but effects caused by those items (cleaning using shampoo, for example) remain. Switching modes back will not restock any consumed perishables. In all modes an audible glamour can play an assortment of musics, forest or beach sounds, etc. Warning: Leomund's Love Hut can be highly addictive and fatal to virgins.

Mode one: intimate dining. In this mode, the hut is full of large satin sitting cushions. A small table in the center of the room contains an assortment of delicacies: oysters, melons, fruits and cakes, game hens, breads, saffron rice. Two bottles of wine (one white, one red), a large pitcher of good beer, a decanter of purest drinking water, two hot cappucinos, and a pitcher of Earl Grey tea (with lemon, cream, and sugar cubes) complete the dining assortment. There is enough food for two people for one day. Two large satin robes, matching the deep red cushions, are available for wearing; the robes, if worn, follow the caster and guest between modes.

Mode two: luxurious bathroom. In this mode, the hut has a huge blue tiled bath tub with overhead shower high enough for even an ogre, gnoll, etc. Water will flow as long as desired in any normal bathing temperature desired. An assortment of soaps, bathing oils, shampoos, sponges, and conditioners is available. Two huge light blue terry cloth robes are available, as is an assortment of razors, combs, brushes, toothbrushes, toothpaste, and cosmetics.

Mode three: hot tub. Two chilled champagne bottles, with glasses, are within easy retrieval reach of the hot tub. In the hot tub mode, the ceiling can be ordered to become transparent, allowing a superior and mosquito-free view of the night sky, the outside weather, etc. Two deep burgundy terry cloth robes serve as towels for the caster unwise enough to leave the hot tub.

Mode four: the boudoir. A large heart shaped bed, conventional, water filled, or air filled, is the centerpiece of your good night's sleep, with the firmness controlled by the caster. A tray with a light white wine, chocolate dipped strawberries, and whipped cream awaits your desire. The ceilings can transform from opaque to transparent to mirrors at caster's desire. An assortment of massage oils is available for those wishing to sooth muscles tormented by the arduous task of adventuring. An enormous satin duvet will serve should the room temperature be just a tad cooler than desired. The bed automatically detects and warms cold feet.

On to the next joke Advunced Peasants and Crapmongers

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