"Changing light bulbs is part of the capitalist, neo-nazi, oppression of the people! I refuse to change it."
"Change your own damn light bulb."
Four. One to do it and three to hold the bike.
None. Brujah ain't afraid of the dark.
None. Let the Rabble do the dishes in the dark.
Brujah Idealist:
None, he refuses to believe it is broken.
Gangrel:
Only one, but if he's using protean, he's munchkin.
"What's a light bulb? A new tree?"
None. "Whatta ya mean no camp fires?"
Malkavians:
200 - One to hold the light bulb, and 199 to rotate the house to screw it in.
"It's MY bulb! I took it, it spoke to me, and it's MINE!"
"Which one?"
Just one, but the bulb might refuse to shine afterwards.
Just one, but it will be put in sideways.
The FISH!!
One, but it depends if the tomato is ripe and chicken is willing.
Depends whether you count the other voices.
(Word Eater was here)
Nosferatu:
None - They already know everything, why do they need light?
None. Nosferatu look better in the dark.
Toreador:
One Artiste to put it in and two Poseurs to critique the performance.
None - A burned out light bulb is clearly great art.
One. She holds onto the bulb and waits for the world to revolve around.
One, but it will take them an hour once they are done being fascinated by the refrigerator light.
50. One to actually screw in the light bulb and 49 to say how they could've done it better.
Three. One to do it and two to serve refreshments.
Tremere:
Six - One to notice the light bulb is broken, one to tell the Chantry head, one to conjure a new bulb, one to levitate the old one out, one to levitate the new one in, and one to dominate the old one into forgetting it ever happened.
None - "You will change my light bulb. . .", "I will change your light bulb. . . ." "You will forget you ever saw me . . .", "I will forget I ever saw you . . . "
Five, after the ritual has been completed (of course).
Three. One to do it and two to confuse the issue.
Ventrue:
None - They have flunkies for that sort of thing.
Just one, but they have to have a board meeting and attain a quorum first.
Nine. Eight to sit on the committee and one to get his ghoul to do it.
None, we don't DO manual labor!
None. You have an overwhelming compulsion to do it yourself.
Change? Change!?!....
One, but it will cost him two finance and one industry. (LARP)
Ventrue Neonates:
None, they haven't earned the right to make a ghoul yet.
Salubri:
Two - One to heal the old bulb, and one to watch the door for Tremere.
None. The light bulb has found peace.
Children of Osiris:
Two - One to change the light bulb, and one to cleanse the first of its sins.
Giovanni:
Three - One to put it in, and two to summon and control the spirit of the old one.
One. But if he does it wrong they break his knee caps.
Just one, but they have to find a bulb that was related to the original.
Samedi:
Four - One to rot the old one out, one to put the new one in, and two to summon and control the spirit of the old one.
Daughters of Cacophony:
Two - One to blast the old one out of its socket, and one to put the new one in.
None. It's her fault it's broken.
Gargoyle:
"Touch this light bulb, and you die."
Ravnos:
"Light bulb? What light bulb?"
One, but he was the one who took the light bulb in the first place.
Setites:
"We prefer the dark, but if you really want it changed, we have just the bulb for you . . . for a price."
Assamite:
One, if the price is right
Tzimisce:
Only one, but he has to sleep with the old one every night.
Seven. One to flesh-craft a ghoul into a glass sphere, another to flesh-craft a homeless person into bio-luminescent filament...
Lasombra:
"Oh, we don't need to change the old one, it's just been shrouded."
How can you tell that the light isn't working?
None. They like it in the dark.
Cappadocians:
No idea. They're too busy studying the dead one.
Sabbat
Four. One to do it, one to frenzy over it, one to laugh maniacally about it and one to report the other three to the bishop.
Elders
"Wait a second, where does the whale blubber oil go?"
Harpies
None. It's rumored to have been done already.
Non-Vampire’s
Mortals
I don't know, three so far! -slurp-
Hunters:
One, if he has faith that the bulb WILL be changed.
Arcanum:
None - they just study the process of burning out. They don't do anything about it.
Mummies:
None - It will be reborn in a few hundred years, anyway.
Gypsies:
"What light bulb? Talk to that Ravnos over there."
Sam Haight:
One, but only if he can get a lupine skin.
Mages:
500 - One to transmute the bulb into a new one, and 499 to deal with the paradox spirits.
Wraiths:
One, but you have to smash the bulb first.
Changelings:
One, but the new one will make funny coloured lights.
Lupines:
Two - One to put it in, and one to go out and kill something to celebrate the rite of bulb changing.
Just one, but he has to defeat all the other fuzzies who want to do it first.
Just one, but all the tribes have to fight about which one gets to do it.
"What's a light bulb?"
"Light bulbs are the spawn of the Wyrm! How dare you ask me . . ."
Two - One to change it, and a Gaillard to write a song exaggerating the legendary task.
Two - One to change it, and a Gaillard to write a song honoring the old bulb.
Just one, but they'll never get it changed in time.
None - The burned out bulb reminds them of Gaia's plight, and they'd all rage and destroy each other before they could get around to doing it.
From the wacky crew at GarouMUSH central...circa December 1994
On to the next joke
Why did the Mage cross the road
HEY! WAIT! None of them are actually screwing in the light bulb!
