[holy music]

FOLLOWERS: Master! Master!...

BRIAN: [Speaking to the man sitting on the park bench] Hey! Is there another way down? Is there another path down to the bus stop?

SIMON THE GAME STORE OWNER: [See’s Brian’s 3rd. Ed. DMG] Mmmmmmm.

BRIAN: Please! Please help me! I've got to get--

SIMON: Mm. [Brian Drops D&D 3rd Ed. DMG. Whump!] Oh, my foot! Oh!

BRIAN: Shhhh.

SIMON: Oh, damn, damn, damn!

BRIAN: Well, I'm sorry. Shhh.

SIMON: Oh, damn, damn, and blast it!

BRIAN: I'm sorry. Shhhh!

SIMON: Don't you 'shhhh' me. Three years of total silence, and you 'shhhh' me!

BRIAN: What?

SIMON: I've kept my vow for three years. Not a single derogatory word about D&D 3rd Edition has passed my lips.

BRIAN: Oh, please. Could you be quiet for another five minutes?

SIMON: Oh, it doesn't matter now. I might as well enjoy myself. The times in the last three years I've wanted to shout and sing and...

BRIAN: Shhhh.

SIMON: ...scream my opinion out! Oh, 3rd Edition sucks!

BRIAN: Shhh.

SIMON: 3rd Edition Sucks!

BRIAN: Shhh.

SIMON: 3rd Edition Sucks! 3rd Edition Sucks, ha ha ha! Look out. Oh, 3rd Edition Sucks! 3rd Edition Sucks! Hello birds! Hello trees! 3rd Edition Sucks! Get off. 3rd Edition Sucks! Fudge rocks! Fudge Expanded ed--

FOLLOWERS: Master! The Master! Master! Master!...

DICE BAG FOLLOWER: The Master! Aha. He is here!

FRANK: Master!

FOLLOWERS: The dice bag!...

ARTHUR: The dice bag has brought us here!

ARTHUR and HARRY: Speak!

FOLLOWERS: Shhhhh!

ARTHUR and HARRY: Speak to us, Master! Speak to us!

BRIAN: Go away!

FOLLOWERS: A blessing! A blessing!

ARTHUR: How shall we go away, Master?!

BRIAN: Oh, just go away! Leave me alone!

DICE BAG FOLLOWER: Give us a sign!

ARTHUR: He has given us a sign! He has brought us to this place!

BRIAN: I didn't bring you here! You just followed me!

DICE BAG FOLLOWER: Oh, it's still a good sign by any standard.

ARTHUR: Master! Your people have walked many miles to be with You! They are weary and have not roleplayed.

BRIAN: It's not my fault they haven't roleplayed!

ARTHUR: There are no rpg’s in this downtown block!

BRIAN: Well, what about the game store over there?

FOLLOWERS: Hhhh! A miracle! A miracle! Ohh!...

DICE BAG FOLLOWER: He has made the store game-full by His words.

YOUTH: It has brought forth roleplaying games.

BRIAN: Of course it’s brought forth roleplaying games! It’s a game store! What do you expect?!

ELSIE: Show us another miracle!

ARTHUR: Do not tempt Him, shallow ones! Is not the miracle of the game store enough?!

SIMON: I say, that’s my game store.

ARTHUR: They are a gift from God!

SIMON: They're all I've bloody got to read. Uhm. I say, get out of that store! Go on! Clear off, the lot of you. Go on.

HARRY: Lord! I am affected by a bald patch.

BLIND MAN: I am healed! The Master has healed me!

BRIAN: I didn't touch him! BLIND MAN: I was blind, and now I can see! [Walks into a streetlight pole. Whump!] Aargh!

FOLLOWERS: A miracle! A miracle! A miracle!

SIMON: Tell them to stop it. I hadn't said a bad word about 3rd edition for three years till he came along.

FOLLOWERS: A miracle! He is the Game Master!

SIMON: Well, he hurt my foot!

FOLLOWERS: Hurt my foot, Lord! Hurt my foot. Hurt mine...

ARTHUR: Hail Game Master!

BRIAN: I'm not the Game Master!

ARTHUR: I say You are, Lord, and I should know. I've followed a few.

FOLLOWERS: Hail Game Master!

BRIAN: I'm not the Game Master! Will you please listen? I am not the Game Master, do you understand?! Honestly!

GIRL: Only the true Game Master denies His authority.

BRIAN: What?! Well, what sort of chance does that give me? All right! I am the Game Master!

FOLLOWERS: He is! He is the Game Master!

BRIAN: Now, fuck off!

[silence]

ARTHUR: How shall we fuck off, O Lord?

BRIAN: Oh, just go away! Leave me alone.

SIMON: You told these people to pillage my game store. You break my bloody foot. You break my vow of silence, and then you try and clean up on my game store!

BRIAN: Oh, lay off!

ARTHUR: This is the Game Master, the Chosen One!

SIMON: No, he's not.

BRIAN: Aaaagh!

ARTHUR: An unbeliever!

FOLLOWERS: An unbeliever!

ARTHUR: Persecute! Kill the heretic!

FOLLOWERS: Kill the heretic! Kill him! Persecute! Kill!...