Well, I was sitting in the public library reading through Buffy the Vampire Slayer slash fic when I came over all geekish.
Geekish, sir?
Nerdy. RPG-deficient.
Ah geeky!
In a nutshell. So I curtailed my slashing activities, sallied forth and infiltrated your place of purveyment for the purchasing of some gamey comestibles!
Come again?
I want to buy some RPGs.
Ohhh, I thought you were complaining about the Metallica music.
No, not at all. I am one who delights in all manifestations of the terpischorean muse
What?
I dig metal chicks. Now, some RPGs.
Yes sir, what would you like?
Well, how about some Witchcraft?
I'm afraid we're fresh out of Witchcraft sir.
Ah no matter. Very well, some GURPS, if you please.
Ah, we get GURPS books every second week sir.
Tsk. Well, a few books of Savage Worlds, then.
Normally sir, yes. Today the distributor broke down. And cried.
Not my lucky day, is it? Well, how about some Exalted?
No sir.
Torg?
Sorry.
RIFTS?
Nope.
Deadlands?
No.
Star Wars?
Not as such.
Lord of the Rings?
Sold out.
HERO?
Uhuh.
Fuzion, BESM, Tri-stat dx, Feng Shui, Adventure, Dr Who, Shadowrun, Cyberpunk, Traveller, Buck Rogers, Tunnels and Trolls, Champions, Blood of Heroes, Marvel Heroes, DC Heroes?
Nooope.
Skyrealms of Jorune?
Not today sir, no.
Aberrant?
No
Mutants and Masterminds? SAS?
Sorry.
Underworld?
No.
Underground?
No.
Spycraft?
Uhuh.
Vampire Hunters?
Nope.
Chill?
Nope.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Nope.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?
Nope.
Warhammer?
Nope.
Vampire?
Ah, yes! We do have Vampire sir.
Really?
Yes, we do have Vampire.
Well, then, let me have it.
It's....a bit munchkiny sir.
I don't care.
It's very munchkiny sir.
I like it munchkiny. Bring forth the world of darkness! Mmm!
I think its more munchkiny than you like it sir.
I don't CARE HOW MUNCHKINY IT IS, LET ME HAVE IT!
Okay sir. (pause) Ohhh damn.
What?
The line ended.
Did it?
Yes sir.
I see. Bubblegum crisis?
No.
Fuzion?
No.
FUDGE?
Sorry.
Ghost Dog?
Nope.
Ghostbusters?
Nope.
Bushido?
No.
Fading Suns?
Sold out.
Heavy Gear, Tribe 8, Jovian Chronicles?
No, no, and no.
Ah, how about Dungeons and Dragons?
Well, we don't get much call for it around here.
NOT MUCH CALL FOR IT? It's the single most popular game in the world!
Not round here sir!
I see. And what IS the most popular game around here?
Sorcerer, sir.
Is it.
Oh yes. Narrative games are staggeringly popular in this manor sir.
Are they.
Yes.
Have you got any, he asked, expecting the answer no.
I'll have a look sir. Nnnnnnnnnnnno.
I see. Usagi Yojimbo?
No.
Star Trek?
No.
Paranoia?
No.
Fvlminata?
Nix.
Castle Falkenstein?
Not so much.
Ars Magica?
Nope.
What about...SHUT THAT BLOODY METALLICA UP!
Told you so.
Now...what about Farscape?
Sorry.
It's not much of a gaming shop is it?
Finest in the district sir!
Explain the logic underlying that conclusion.
Well, it's so clean.
It's certainly uncontaminated by games.
You haven't asked me about Hackmaster sir.
Is it worth it?
Could be.
Have you got any Hackmaster?
No sir.
I see. It was an act of total optimism to phrase the question in the first place. Have you, in fact, got any RPGs at all?
Yes.
Really?
No. Sorry sir. I was deliberately wasting your time.
In that case, I am going to have to shoot you, and start ordering online.
